Defensive Driving

Anyone who has every driven in Miami knows that you need to watch the road and everyone else on the road.

A drive to work in the morning is a mixture of skill, patience and humor.

If you let it get to you - road rage sets in. I have made a list of suggestions so that it might make your trip a little easier.

The following people are on the road all the time. Sometimes you can call who is driving before you even pass them.

The small Honda that in the left (fast) lane on the highway. Usually a woman - I will call her "Aint Got No Job". She knows your there - but she doesn't care. Why should she rush? She's got no where to go. Go around - sitting on her tail will do nothing but aggravate you.

The big Caddy or Lincoln. They are usually located on a three lane road - never the highway. This car is usually loaded with "Old People" and they can't remember which side of the road the restaurant is on, so watch the drift. Is a slow drift because they are only going 10 mph but be aware, if you honk, they freak and slam on the brakes. Just let them pass - don't yell - they are someone's Grandparent.

The really nice car with tinted windows. These are found in two spots.

The first one is in the left hand turn lane. This is the lane you must wait the longest at so most females take this opportunity to do their makeup. While "Makeup Lady" doing her makeup she doesn't notice the light change. So if you have the opportunity to ride her tail thru the yellow, I would recommend it. If not, you eventually end up waiting thru the next light.

The other driver of the nice car is usually male. He can be found on the right hand side of the road going slow. He's "Phone Guy" . Not really paying attention to his speed. Having a nice chat.

If you can avoid the "Old People" in the middle lane - go around this guy. You will get no where fast.

Then you have the "Angry Guy". He's usually in a POS. He is angry that he's driving a, non- airconditioned, foul smelling, wreck of a car and he wants to get even. He's the guy who is ahead of you on the highway but not going fast enough for you. So, you put on your turn signal to go around him. He doesn't want anyone to pass him. So he takes it as a challenge of his manhood and pulls over to the next lane in front of you. He of course doesn't let you know by turning on his signal. He is also one of those "Angry Guys" that hit his breaks if he thinks your too close. This man is an accident waiting to happen. So slowly back off and then gun it in your V6 to get around him. His car cant keep up, its a POS remember!?!

Be warned, the only time this maneuver works is when you dont have to worry about "Aint Got No Job" and "Phone Guy". Because if "Angry Guy" catches up with you. The humor of making him eat your dust quickly turns into fear.

The last type of driver is not only dangerous but funny at the sametime. "The Poker". This is usually a middle aged man or woman. Regular car. These are the types that want to make a turn onto the busy road. "Pokers" will either stick their nose way into the lane your in hoping you will stop. Or, they pull out very slowly and cause you to slam your brakes. These "Pokers" also are the ones that want to be in your lane but they are over a lane or two. So they make their own imaginary lane that actually crosses two lanes of traffic.

When "Pokers" emerge from their homes they bring out "The Honkers", "The Screamers", "The Head Shakers" and the "It's Not Me, It's Them" and the "The Finger Flickers".

With this knowledge you will know what to look for on the streets of Miami and hopefully it will help you during your ride to work.

Good Luck and soon you will be a "Good Driver".

Like Myself.