HB's a girl

I have never mentioned my closet. A very scary place that bulged and bowed. It was packed to the gills and never really stable.

Many times - usually while standing in front of it naked and dripping - the whole thing would collapse.

Its a wire contraption that was held only by two little legs. Hundreds of pounds of crap were suspended by two 1x1 metal rods.

It was amazing that it actually lasted so long - I have been in that home for 5 years and nothing prepared me for the other night.

The two metal rods finally bent in two. All of the shelves that were somehow attached to those rods then came down along with it. The screws in the wall were ripped from their holes and my crap was on the floor.

I have hated my closets for some time now - but remember. I am....Frugal. Which is a nicer word for cheap. But - I am a penny pincher.

It is very apparent in many things around my house. You would never know that I fix stuff with spit and duct tape - but I do. Until it starts to catch fire (which it did) and then I have to make an emergency phone call to an electrician on a Sunday evening. But that's another story.

Well - I have wanted my closet redone and now its being fixed today.

So why is HB a girl? One of my jobs for the closet company was to get all my shit outta the way. I needed to leave them room to work and in return - I will come home to a real closet. Organized and beautiful. (So they say - we will see).

I stated to make piles in the living room. That way it will be easy to hang it all back up tonight.

But I started noticing a trend.

Although HB doesn't live with me - he has slowly continued merge his crap with mine. It used to be a few shirts - then a couple pairs of pants. Then shoes - lots of shoes. He's one of those types that never make his true feelings known.

I will ask..."So when are you moving in? He will say - I have all my stuff here - what's the difference?!?"

The difference is you don't live here and yes, all your stuff is here and probably the reason my closet collapsed!

How's that, you say?

The man has a full couch worth of clothes. I have half a dining room table of clothes.

How many khakis can a man own? How many shirts do you really need? I filled a garbage bag with clothes with the tags on them still. They look they were procured by his Mom - so I don't think he will miss them too much.

He finally comes over last night - of course after all the work has been done.

I show him the piles.

HB - this is your stuff. This is my stuff.

I say it again - more exaggerated. Your stuff - my stuff.

Maybe he will notice a trend. Maybe he will say something, anything. Maybe he will offer to pay half for the closet since apparently my little pile of stuff couldn't have done that amount of havoc on my closet.

"So what are you trying to say?" He says.

"Look at all your stuff!!!!! "

"Your stuff - my stuff. How could you possibly have so much stuff? Who needs this much stuff?"

He squirms and says....

"I have 10 years of collection more clothes than you."

Nope - not good enough.

"They are different sizes. Sometimes certain pants don't fit during certain times."

I start to giggle.

HB has a lot of clothes. Varying sizes for certain times of the month.

HB is a girl.