On a sad note.

My ex mother in law is supposed to getting a heart valve replacement this morning. She has an infectious blood disease that has left vegetation on her valves. They refer to it as vegetation because on the ultrasound it resembles small leaves. These leaves are breaking off and have caused her to go blind in one eye and to lose all feeling in one arm. The doctors would like to get to her soon as they do not want this vegetation to cause a stroke if it goes into her brain. She has lost 80 lbs and has been in the hospital for two months. She has a 30% chance of surviving this operation.

I have not spoken to her in over 6 years. J knows she's very sick and may die. But- she is feeling very indifferent as she has never tried to keep in contact with us after the divorce.

Sadly, J would love to part of her 'other' family. But they disappoint more than deliver.

I am cautious on what to say - as a 13 year old is still a selfish creature. I don't know if the impact of this news has any impact at all. So - I say..."hope she pulls thru".

I don't wish ill will on many. Only those that cause great harm to others. Then I only seek revenge and death. But in this instance - I only feel sadness. Sadness, not because I care for her and she made a difference in my life (or any one else for that matter). But sadness because I feel nothing. I am sure I should feel something - this is very sad. When her father passed about 12 years ago - I was sad. He was a nice man. He had a good laugh and he was gracious. I still speak of him as a good man to my daughter.

I am a blank page with nothing to say except "hope she pulls thru".

I have spoken about my demise before and how my hopes are a party with everyone remembering me with a smile.

I am usually never short on words. I have an opinion. Just ask me....No wait...I will tell you.

Hope she pulls thru.