Gulp....

My Mother is coming to visit and she requested some items that she would like handy at the house for breakfast and snacks.

The list was specific and amusing - I shared it with all my friends and everyone got a giggle at her immense displeasure in possibly having to eat Jif creamy peanut butter. God forbid I only had red grapes available. Poor Mom would starve.

We discussed the possibility that she could crush the roasted peanuts on her list an add it to the creamy stuff - but after the threat of being pinched (on the soft part of your underarm with her mighty talons) I am afraid...Very afraid.

The needs for everything large and demands for more, more, more (accented in CAPITAL LETTERS) made me fear for my life.

Along with the pinching she has this evil eye and this dracula thing, with a slight curling of the lip that occurs when you make her angry.

Unlike my Dads mighty pulsing forehead vein and expanding neck muscles - she slowly stares you down until you are on your back, urinating on yourself whimpering in fear.

She made mention that she knows how to cook but doesn't have to as my Father always prepares her meals. So - I call my Dad and ask him what she knows how to cook so that while I was purchasing her requested items I could get everything in one shot.

He thought about it for a moment and hummed and hawed really trying to be PC and then blamed my J for being a difficult eater and how it was going to be hard to say.

Me thinks, he was covering for her by blaming J so that he didn't have to suffer the pinching torture as described above.

Me thinks, she was sitting very close by and he felt the heat of her powerful stare on the back of his neck and decided that the best thing to do was blame a helpless child to save himself.

I can't blame you Daddy. We all understand.

So, in the end I bought a lot of chicken. Sliced, cutlets, breasts and fingers. A couple bags o'salad and a thing of dressing.

Along with corn (not flour tortilla) and a few Diet PepsiCo.

I am sure Queen Nee Nee and Princess J will be fine.

I am also going to leave the takeout menus out...Just in case.