Fear

I have a fear of flying. I have many fears.

I am scared of closed spaces - I dont like the dark. I don't like heights and I dont like Lizards.

Flying is two of my fears combined - closed spaces and heights.

I never sit by the window - If I am unlucky enough to get such a spot I promptly close the window. I dont want to see - anything!!!!

We flew a carrier home that I wasnt familiar with. We get to the airport and we must go thru security - twice!

There is a hubbub of activity around the plane I am boarding and security personnel are everywhere.

When finally granted access to the plane I am greeted by a huge bomb - sniffing dog that totally scares the bejesus out of me!

While sitting on the tarmac waiting to leave the gate the Pilot comes over the speaker and states we will only be a few more minutes - two people have decided not to show for the flight (along with their bags onboard) and they must remove them from the plane.

Am I sitting on a ticking timebomb? Can you please let me off while you do this? What if its a remote controlled bomb and they are sitting there by the gate with the finger on the switch?!?

HB tells me to watch the crew. They would signal if there were any problems. This Dutch girls with their pillbox hats were too Stepford Wivish for me. They smiled a creepy smile and passed out chocolates.

I am in full panic. My flight mates are all Talibanish - I have an entire row of scarf headed folks behind me - speaking in the tounge of their land. I was about to vomit.

We take off.......which is always a thrill.

The flight is an hour in - we are almost over open water (Thanks to that little TV they provide). It lets you see your little plane over the Ocean and how far up you are and how fast your going and that the temp outside with freeze you into a popsicle immediately. I guess there is no going out for a smoke on the wing?

I can do without the TV.

We hit turbulance. We are sitting in the back so we are swaying with the tail. The engines are screaming!!! There is a man who works for the airline walking up and down the ailse with a sensor and making notes on a clipboard.

Oh yeah - I am comfy!

I start to cry. I don't want to die! I am thinking of the shoe bomber - he tried to set his shoe on fire on a flight from Paris to Miami. Wanted to do it over open water - No trace of evidence.

I start to tell everyone I love them. My life flashes before my eyes. I think of everyone. I can't stop crying.

I am too young to die!!!

All while the flight attendants pass out F'in apple juice!

I then proceeded to take some sleeping pills - chased them with a Heinie!

If I am going to blow up -I don't want to know.

If I am going to be shark food - I want to be asleep.

I hate flying - I cannot wait until we can do that Star Trek thingie and turn into little particles for a brief moment and be where I need to be a second later.

Beam me up Scottie!