Silent but deadly, Not!

As I get older - I am now getting the most dreaded thing in the world.  Uncontrollable farting.  You know the kind.  The kind that when your Gramma bent over to take something out of the oven it escaped from her rear.  The kind that just ripped out of your Great Grammpas butt while he was watching the news?  They never apologized.  They would always blame it on the dog or a frog in the room.
 
I have always been very concerned about being embarrassed by farting.  So - I learned how to be "silent but deadly".  The kind that sneaks out, ever so quietly and by the time the smell makes it to someone elses nose you have walked (quickly) away - never to be smelled again.
 
I am losing the silent part.  What is it?  When you get old does your butthole loosen too?  Is it necessary for exiting gas to make all that noise while your trying to escape?
 
But then again - maybe its not me making all that noise.  There was probably a dog or frog in the room.