35...Again.

Happy Birthday to me.

When the moon is in the second house and Jupiter aligns with Mars.....

Its the age of Aquarius....Age of Aquarius.................Aquarius!!!!!

Ok - I love that song and its totally in my head and I thought I would share with you what an old fart like me thinks of in a day.

My feet are swollen and I think its a fitting beginning to being...Middle aged.

I got a facial last week and after the woman put that huge 'kiss my ass' magnifying glass over my skin and tsk-tsked her way thru my analysis. I am now using face cream.

That along with my broken capallaries - WC Fields has nothing on my nose!!! Its a work in progress - I tell ya.

I have a new vein in my leg that seems to be running like Nile.

My grey hair seems to be fighting the recent dye job. And you all know that I am rapidly becoming Kojak.

Other than that - life is grand.

I am going to have a party on Saturday....To celebrate be getting one year closer to receiving AARP magazine. I have told everyone to wear black and write a eulogy. Told them to keep it funny though...I want to at least have a good time.

Of course I jest. I am a 13 year old boy stuck in a 30 something year old woman's body.

I laugh when someone farts and rate burps by sound and smell.

I giggle when I see nipple and rate my poop on a scale of 1 to 10.

I wanted to have grown up food at my party - you know the horse ovaries your supposed to have when your all grown up. But I am really leaning towards those little hotdogs wrapped in a biscuit.

I love MTV and VH1 - I am 'down' and 'slammin'. I want to be like Jessica Simpson when I grow up. I have a soft spot in my heart for doggies and Louis Vuitton too!

I don't know how to play any card game except Go Fish and I am ok with that. Poker? Don't even know her.

J is older than I am. When I twirl like a ballerina in the store to the Musak she runs and hides. I don't care what people think. At that very moment I am 5 again and I am a ballerina. A pretty one at that.

I will be forever young - even if I am in an old persons body. I can't wait til I am in the home and the whoopee cushion I have been saving - will finally find a use.

I will blame the guy in the wheelchair.

So send me your wishes and and hopes for me....

I am gonna see if I can rent a pony for the day.