Likes and Dislikes Button

So a few posts back I mentioned my new g/f G.

We were falling into a groove. Hanging out - shopping, smoking, drinking too much wine.

But she's lonely - she wants to procreate - whaaaaaa!

So since we are in the the same industry - I know her picks in the work arena are slim. I nabbed HB - but since he's off the market - the rest are pretty icky (or married).

So she joined A....Online dating site. Like 3 of them! She's been on a couple of dates and so far I am happy, she is happy (somewhat).

She's very giddy school girl like. Although almost pounding on the 40's door - I am getting the..."Do I call him? Why hasn't he called me? What kinda kiss is that?" So far - the ones she has showed me were HOTT!

But, I am not a daters dream. I will knock you outta the park within the first 15 minutes of a date. Once (within 2 minutes) I don't find you sexually attractive ( ex: wanted to rip your clothes off at the table) you are pretty much just the guy who's paying for my cocktail. I will not give it a second date or another phone call. So - I am happy I have HB. He's the only sexy biatch I need and I need to remember that.....

That's why I started my own profile on one of these things. Now - wait...Before you say anything...I didn't put anything in the "Tell about your Match" or "Tell us a little about yourself". I just filled out the brown hair - brown eyes part and clicked on the Likes and Dislikes (more on this option later)

I didn't do the other one because I am lazy it takes and hour to fill out and it's like $50. So since I really just wanted to look at my "options" I went with the cheaper (read free) option.

I don't know what the third site was - but the guy she is gaga over matched with her on each one. Creepy - right?

So - back to me.

I did that - I skipped over the "Add Picture Here" (although I was quite tempted to put a picture of Buckwheat) . Went to my email and BING....You have mail!

"Hello You Sicko playing with the tender emotions of the lonely hearts....These are your matches!"

(Please note - to actually correspond with this guys you do have to pay a 9.99 fee. Like I said I just wanted to see what I am missing)

The verdict - NOT MUCH!

All my matches were rated at 65%. To me - that's settling (don't you think?)

So - this is where the Likes and Dislikes buttons come in.

Age - I don't want you to be younger than me - and you can be older - just not to old. I will cut you off at 50. Click

Hair - If you got it great - if you don't I just hope you look cool bald and not 60. Click

Eyes - as long as you can see - fine. Click.

Smokes - (Now this is tricky because HB doesn't smoke - but I tempt him into a Cigar from time to time so I can smoke extra) So I chose Cigar Lover. Click.

Drinks - Um...Hello....Yes - Regularly (that's at least a drink a day right?) Click.

Build - Well since I am a woman of ample ass - I need a man that I won't crack in half. So I send love out to the Average / Stocky boys. Click.

Height - See above - you MUST BE TALLER THAN ME. Click.

Diet - Meat - but must like veggies. Click.

I checked all the Likes and Dislikes boxes of stuff that HB and I like to do. Heck - I need to trade up - not be bored to death.

Check - check - check.

All I got was 65% match. Wanna know why? Simple 5 things.

I am too old. The 37 year old and older want their women to stop at 35.

I am too tall. This is a sad fact in life that I must face - I am taller then the average male. Stick a pair of heels on me - I will look down on the receding hairline - Buddy.

I am not. Slim - slender or Athletic.

I smoke. Most replies were...Ewwww - No way.

I drink. I actually think they were lying - every guy likes to drink.

So changing these things for me to be really - truly- happy - is a no-can-do.

So - I get myself in the 'Ok - since I am not Perfect maybe I will Settle mode'.

Let me tell you - these guys on this site have a lot of nerve being picky .

"Hey buddy - those are your requirements and I am not good enough for you? No wonder your still single!" I scream at the monitor.

Then I hear HB...."Honey....whaddya doing?"

Click - I hit the big X.

I gave him an extra tight hug - I am grateful he likes my tall - ample - smoking and drinking ass!

As for G. I hope she finds love - but she's already talking about quitting smoking since on that Likes and Dislikes button...

She pressed - Eeeeewww - No Way.