Gaps

As I age (rapidly) I am falling apart.

I have a problem....I have many - but I have a gap issue.

I have gaps in my teeth. No - sorry canyons! Canyons in my teeth that become impacted with food. So much so that I have decided that I am only going to eat mush from now on.

This impaction that occurs is slight. It happens thruout the day but when I get to dinner...As soon as I swallow the last bite - I feel like I am digging for gold in my mouth.

How did these gaps start? Why is my mouth playing this evil little trick on me? Does it really want to savor the morsels I have devoured? Is this my bodies way of "saving a little for later?"

So - I am now armed with a mighty toothbrush and a roll of floss. I will start at lunch and again after dinner. I didn't go to school to be a dental tech but I feel like I have to do a through cleaning now after every meal.

How obsessive of me. Yuck!

My dentist who has now passed his fancy to me as my Mom no longer wants anything to do with him wants to fit me with caps.

"Your mouth is a mess....You need caps." He says.

I say - I will dig until I cannot dig anymore - I will not be the proud wearer of Chicklets in my mouth.

Has anyone seen Hillary Duff lately? She was cute...Now she has these huge teeth. Add that to the fact that she's now a teenie tiny - they look huge? Is it just me? Why doesn't anyone tell her? Doesn't anyone see it?!?

So - I say no to caps.

Uh....Hold on..I think I have something in my teeth.

1-2-3-Go!

I am so looking forward to getting outta here. Even if only for a few days.

Heading the Parental Units home. We will be feasting on a bird and hopefully be able to go out for all you can eat oysters that haven't been fermenting in corpse juice in New Orleans.

So - I cross my fingers and hope for the best.

J went up early - I think she's having a good time. She's always happy to go. I am happy to see her go - so that I am happy to see her come back.

We have a drive ahead of us - but we are going to break it up into segments.

Since we spent Thanksgiving with HB's folks last year we dont have to do it again. But for some reason we have to make a stop. We just saw them about a month ago and it takes away a day that I can see my parents but - I will button my lip as I am glad I have a driving companion.

I rented a nice cozy car for sleeping. I can sleep anywhere. Airplanes and cars put me into instant comas. I dont know if its the hum of the engine or just plain boredom - I will bring a blankie and tell HB to tell me when we get there.

We are also making a stop to see his son. This is going to be nice because I have a restaurant that I keep wanting to go to and I think this may be the night. They have a great Sangria and the food is tasty as well.

I have been doing my Atkins again. I am starving. I eat a nice breakfast and my bag o' meat at lunch - but right now a bagel would really hit the spot.

I complain but that stupid diet really works and since I don't know the meaning of portion control it's a diet that works for me.

I will be having mashed potatoes though on Thursday. Ain't no dirty looks gonna stop me.

I will be at my Daddy's so I will just sic' him on the lookieloos!

So - I will talk to you all when I return.

Getting sleepy already!

She was so lucky!

So I went to the U2 concert. I cannot describe the feeling. I felt like I was a teenager. Tears and a immense need to rush the stage to touch them - him!

A very lucky girl was pulled up there with him and she wouldn't let go. I think I wouldn't have either.

They were wonderful! They did two encores. Everytime they left the stage and returned I was scanning my brain wondering what else they had left...They performed for over two hours. Each time - a few more songs....They have soooo many great hits.

I again want to thank G! You r-o-c-k!

The opening act was Bush which is Interface or something. Mr. Gwen Stefani is HOT...HOT..HOT! But the music was terrible. It was only terrible because the vocals were so far back that the band was really overpowering him. He was singing his little heart out. Running around the stage and dropping to his knees...."Breathe in...Breathe out...Breathe in breath out....Breathe in.....!!!!

I am really surprised that they didn't get that little problem worked out in rehearsals. Because it was really hurting my ears. It was way too loud to be listened to. The bass was reverbing in my body - I almost got sick.

But U2 was fantastic!!! They are an amazing band -20 something years later they still move me to dance - think and cry.

He wasn't political. Well - his songs are political but he didn't use the time to make a speech.

I love you Bono.

And that girl was really - really lucky!

The end of the week.

Ok -

I have started 3 posts. Can't finish one of them. Like I have a case of ADD or something.

So - I will just do a recap of my week (easy way out).

I got an office.

Well - it was the kitchen. Now its an honest to goodness office (kind of). I am happy I am away from the noise. But its very lonely back here. So I have MSN Music playing just so that I feel like I have some company.

Thing I have noticed. I listen to the radio all the time. I think I am pretty hip on the radio thing.

I can honestly say - I don't know any of the songs they play. Which is probably why its free.

They lure you in with such captions as "if you like".....Then "pick A". But is isn't who I like.

**Edit - as I type....The Foo Fighters came on (ok - I will cut them some slack) **

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Had to do some birthday card shopping. One would thing its easy - run to Walgreens get a card.

What - like $3.00 and I am outta there? Noooo - I always end up spending more.

This is the reason I avoid WalMart. Walmat is a $100 visit. Period.

I don't get it. I didn't NEED the things - but, heck...While I am here....

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My maid - housekeeper - personal panty washer quit.

I am very sad. It's like losing my best friend.

I knew it was coming. She complains what a bunch of pigs we are. And that's after we clean before she comes! Monday nights are a flurry of doing laundry and picking up your shit so she doesn't have to.

But she rocked.

On the plus side - I had to go to a local Sushi place that rocks to pick up the keys from her daughter (No - she wasn't Japanese). Turns out her daughter is a ...Bartender (score)!

But the best part....Since I guess she knows that I am a drunk - because I have more bar glasses than regular glasses. She bought me a cocktail.

I will miss you Roooooossaaa.

So I am taking applications - and yes you have to touch my dirty underwear!

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As some of you know I recently went to AMS. On one of our free days HB and I went to the wax museum. I looked at all the figures - but took my picture with only one.

I love this group and the last time I saw them was in 1987. Yes - for those of you who actually read this blog...It is U2 and that hunky Irishman Bono.

So a while ago their tickets were on sale and I was denied. HB looked on ebay for me (bless his heart) but people want toooo much.

So today - a friend of ours (his business associate) called and offered him a (single) ticket.

I am now attending the U2 concert on Sunday.

I want to thank you so much G!

I actually cried - I am so happy!!!

So I will recap on Monday.

I have to make sure I look good because I heard thru the grapevine that maybe I might have a shot (NOT!)

***I hear Mariah Carey...Ok - they have redeemed the 'no one has ever heard of these people'
title**

But Ma....(Drink Recipe #3)

Everyone is doing it.

*****WARNING - WARNING - THIS MAY KILL YOU!!!!**********

A lady died of alcohol poisoning and the bar owner has been sentenced to 4 years.

This was a $15.00 drink that IF you consumed and stayed coherent after 30 minutes they would give you your money back and a t-shirt!

So - I dont know the measurements but I know the ingredients so I would say - make a little one - with lots of OJ and don't drink and drive.

Melon Liquor ( Midori - got it!)

151 (I only have regular rum so it will have to do)

vodka (check, check, check)

Hot Damn (Cinn Schnapps - dont have it but I wonder if the sell by the shot?)

OJ - (For Vitamin C)

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Week in review

Things I learned this week.

That campfire coffee is better than Mr. Coffee machines.

That after a hurricane you cannot swim in the water - drink the water and it's very cold when not combined with a little hot.

That HB has the intestinal fortitude that I wish I could have.

J has a great sense of humor and she looks a lot my cousin R.

That the AH is still an AH and will always be an AH.

A cosmo and a tuna sushi handroll is a nice dinner to have after a week of PB and J.

Burp...

Oh no - I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

We all know about Ms. Britney Spears and her cornrowed hubby Kevin.

Apparently - Mr. Federline is in the studio laying tracks for his new album.

Ms. Spears has told him that he's lucky if he will sell 100. Being the musical genius (see marketing maven) that she is...he must really suck.

So - I read this blog every day.... and if you look at it you can link to a sampling of K. Fed's rap musings.

Plus - this is a great blog for those of us who like...The Enquirer but not.

So - like I said. I threw up a little when I listened to it.

But hey - I just ate lunch. Maybe its not that bad.

ROFL!!!

You want me to go where???

I may have to make that long trip back the the Netherlands in a week. On that plane that scared the crap out of me.

My best customer is heased over there for three weeks and it might be lucrative for me to oversee (see: in your face) business.

Airport hotels on the end of airport runways don't excite me.

Neither does the time change or the money exchange issue.

Sitting in hangars with men who speak different languages.

WooHoo.

Where do I sign up? NOT

What the F***!

I don't read much - I prefer TV.

I was very happy when the electric came on and I immediately ran to the boob tube and turned it on.

But - I have been very bored and picked up a paper to pass the time.

I usually just read the Lifestyle sections or the Arts pages. Front page lines my bird cage.

So - lining my bird cage....Bird flu. Started in Asia - moved to Europe and USA fears that it will come this way. Vaccines for everyone!!!

While hundred of thousands of birds have died from this maybe 100 cases have been passed to humans.

So - I wonder...How does a person get a bird flu? (Back to that in a minute)

Reading on a man was trampled by the horse he was trying to F***. His friend who was with him at the time (and equally as guilty) is being charged with trespassing only as Beastiality is not illegal in Washington.

I truly believe that a certain disease that is rampant was caused by a man doing the horizontal bop with a monkey.

So - back to the birds - which is mainly hitting chickens.

The people who have contracted this disease are folks with a few chickens - a farmer or two. How much you want to bet - with all the animal bopping that's going on in the world that a few of them were in love with their chickens!?!

I say - men...I know its lonely out on the farm. I know you all have needs and that sheep is looking mighty pretty to you after a long summer nite.

Keep your manhood to yourself. Step away from the chicken.

Discuss amongst yourselves......

Not again!

So last night HB and I stop at the local Publix and I am in a foul mood.

My first night back with electric and the food selection is still minimal.

Shopping is hard with dietary requirements in my family. J has been steadfast on the chicken / turkey / fish thing for a while now.

HB and I love a bloody steak.

So - I need to find a happy medium so I can feed the fam.

I can't find anything so I opt for those Tyson chicken strips and some shredded potatoes and green beans.

I know - sucky...but I was excited about turning on my stove and not the grill.

Now - with the time change it is DARK when I come home. I am really over the dark - I think I told you about my face plant into the wall recently and now I am also sporting a lovely bruise on my right hip from a doorknob collision.

As I am standing in line my phone rings.....Princess it says on the screen.

I pick it up..."Mom - the electric just went out!" Where are you...It's dark!?!

My jaw dropped. Thankfully I only have a few things in my cart and I am not going to get out of line. I mess with that card reader while J is screeching at me on the phone. Finally I emerge with my three bags and the phone plastered to my ear - while I keep her on the phone during my drive.

The bozo that she is decided that it would be a good idea to watch haunted house shows all day. Now she's sitting in a dark house and little goblins are knocking on the door.

"We know your in there!" You can hear them scream thru the door. The candy is in a bag in my trunk. Those brats are gonna have to hold on!

(We were asked to forgo Halloween this year due to all the debris in the roads - I guess no one got the memo!)

So I drive up to a dark house...With a heavy heart.

"Call them!!!!!!" J's in a panic. I remind her how she said just 24 hours ago - that she was falling into a routine and with the lights on she felt a little lost.

"I'm over it...Call THEM!!!"

HB goes out on the porch and looks quite defeated. I do the quizzical neighbor thing....

Bob - the nice guy who has let me suck off his generator for a week - tells me he will hook me up in a couple hours if their is no return of power.

I have to save my chicken nuggets!!!

I make everyone turkey and cheese sandwiches (again) and we sit and eat in the candlelight - not a word was said.

Hours pass - I am starting to get sleepy. Sitting in the dark will do that to a person. HB and J are on there cell phones playing games - beeps and music follow their wins and losses.

I set J up with our collection of $1 Jesus candles and find the radio.

I went around the house and locked all the doors - I was heading for the bedroom.....

WWWWWOOOOOOOOMMMMMMPPPPPP.......(That's the sound of the house powering up)

J squeals. She runs up to me hugs me hard "I am so happy! I am so happy!"

HB runs to the computer and logs on.

I climb into bed - pull the covers over my head and dream of making chicken nuggets.