Gone - again

Ok - I know..it seems like I just returned. But - now I am leaving again.

Who - Me and the Fam.
Where -Mexico
What - Vacation
When - For the next week
Why - Because I think it might be good.
How - By airplane my friend.

(I did that for my Mom - she likes to know the W's)

The weather looks like its gonna suck crusty toes - thats why I got a great deal I guess. The weather sucks here too - oh joy!

HB has become the offical weatherman for the fam. He keeps checing it and assures me that although it may be overcast and cloudy and rain may threaten a SPF advisory of 15 has been assigned.

Somehow - sitting on the beach in the rain - getting a suntan...doesnt excite me.

But - I will make the most of it. I am hoping for great things.

Togetherness. We will either come back loving each other or hating each others guts. I will keep you posted.

So long - farewell - and I will catch you up on the scoop as soon as we return.

Hugs to ya all.

Cookies

One of my jobs as the only chick in an office of men is doing the weekly shopping for odd and ends. Coffee, creamer and toilet paper, etc. They also make me file - another story for another day.

Today I went to the store with a need for cookies. Why - I don't know - I had cookies last night.

Cookies are calling my name. Chocolate chip. Plain and simple.

Well - they are calling me while I am trying to cleanse my system.

I bought some medicine that is supposed to even out the bacteria in my system. Apparently - I have bacteria which causes my digestive system to not work properly and if I do this thing for 14 days - my worries are over and I will be "regular" and clean of cooties.

So - along with the medicine - I have tried to eat a little better. I am really trying to stay away from crap. That is - except cookies.

Psst - over here. They scream.

In the mouth they go.

I ate some vegan crapola for lunch - it tasted terrible - but its pure and from the earth and supposed to be good for you.

Followed by a cookie - made with preservatives and sugar.

They made the taste in my mouth go away -

But they cant be good for my ass.

Damn cookies - why do you have to be so good?!?

Hit Me

Once again - it will be said. I am a huge fan of the 80's.

Loved the fashion - the hair - the makeup and music.

So- I come across a semi-talent show the other night called "Hit Me..." and its comprised of 80's acts. They sing their one big hit and then sing a current song on the radio - with their own twist. The audience votes and the winners give their $25,000 winnings to the charity of their choice.

I made J come and sit with me while I waited for The Motels to come on. I loved her - she was a sexy brunette - with a smoky voice. I loved trying to imitate her - she was a rocking chick - with great hair.

"8-6-7-5-3-0-9 - Jenny I got your number...." blared while I waited. I felt a little old watching Tommy sing his smash hit when he looked so old too.

Then she came on..... "Only the lonely............" She looked old - old - old.

So - You know what that makes me? Old!

It made me feel terribly old - all while sitting there reliving my youth.

Sad thing is that these past performers are hoping for another shot. Opportunity to be the next Britiney?

Guys - look in the mirror - You are old.

Flock of Seagulls - I LOVED THEIR HAIR! - They are bald and...fat!

Cameo is going to be on next week. I am sure they are going to be singing "Word Up"

I am remembering the flashbacks of watching that new MTV station and this black man with a very large red plastic jock and black leotard was singing...."Baby- what's the word...Word Up!"

What are the odds - that I am going to see that again?

If so - HIT ME!

Green is not your color

Soooo - back in the homefront we have Little Lady J in this corner and HB in this corner.

Ding - Ding - Ding!

With the amount of referee time I am putting in - I am getting back on a plane and heading back to Arizona.

Little Lady J is green. Green with envy. Green as green can be. Its really not her color.

She's concerned that her place in the house is kaput. She now cries for me as an infant would when her Mother leaves the room. If I wanted an infant - I would borrow my brothers for the afternoon.

When HB enters the room her constant hugs begin. When he walks by - she grumbles. I am really tired of running into two rooms and making sure everyone is..."Ok".

I have only been home a few days - but I am already exhausted.

I am gonna sit my ass wherever I please. You want me - come and find me. First one that sits - you have a place my side - till I decide to move again.

I told J - I will not listen to bad things about HB. I don't think he would have any teeth if he said anything bad about J.

She's gonna have to get used to this. She's bored right now. So - Mom entertains her.

Vacations are around the corner. School shortly after.

It can only get better.

I hope.

Present

When did we move from being present to being here? Little things in life, that bring you back to your classroom of yesteryear.

Well - Im back - sitting in the Office Depot special chair - so I guess I am here....or present.

Went to the lovely state of Arizona. Wouldn't want to live there, it is much to brown for me. Although I was taken to two special places during my visit. One spot was Canyon Lake and the other...Pleasant Lake. Two lovely things of beauty.

Coming from Miami many always apologize for their state. I have to always remind them that we have no mountains or hills - views are not spectacular. Drives are long and boring. We have the ocean and palm trees. Things that you have to go and see - Arizona and other states have views from the window of an office or car that are simply breathtaking.

The other thing that Arizona has that Miami doesn't....Dry air. No sweating - its great.

Upon my arrival home I was reminded that I do in fact have pores that I sweat profusely from and my face is in a content state of dew. My car spews fog from the air conditioner when cold air meets hot.

So now that I am present (or here) I will start contributing again.

I know you missed me.

I vant to be aloonneee....

Remember the Carol Burnett show and how she did a sketch about an actress whose name escapes me now?

The crux of the skit....I vant to be alone. She had that right.

HB is moving in as you all know. There are many things going on at the same time. My remodeling, my vacation and his move.

I mentioned before that I liked the excitement of having my mind busy.

I know it bores others to hear me talk about everything thats going on. I tend to repeat myself - but my mind is moving a thousand beats per minute and I need to share. Share everything.

I have no friends you see. I will get to that at another time. I have J and my Mom and HB.

My Mom will only listen so long - J only cares if it concerns her and well HB is being a real guy right now - so I will complain to you.

HB is making this process painful. PAINFUL!!!!!

I have never known him to be a problem child. He was always very easy going.

But - I have never put any pressure on him in our term as friends and as lovers.

He decided that it was time to move in. I think that he is (was) excited about all the things going on in my life and somehow wanted to take part in it. Liked the way the house was evolving. The way that his kids were accepting me as the evil step-parent. Blah - blah, blah.

Well - it all looks good from the outside and it's easy work if you can get it to be my HB. I really require nothing except companionship.

I'm not to easy to "live" with. Ask The AH or J. I do have a certain way that I like to "live". I am truly accepting of many things. My Mother used to shake her head and wonder how I could deal with things.

I just do.

I am quirky and a bit lazy but I like things just so. When I am in control of my house stuff - I'm happy- but I don't think it will continue to be that way. When I have to "share" - I am still ok - I just want everyone to be happy in "my" space.

So - this brings us to HB. He looks like this process is giving him a toothache. He has the face that he is smelling shit. He doesn't greet me the way I prefer and it seems to be a chore to be him. HB you see - hates change. HATES IT!

I - on the other hand am excited as a little kid on Christmas. I am looking forward to the remodel - the new furniture I get with the move and the extra dishes.

HB is along for my ride and ...well, I think he's about to puke.

So...I , being the kindhearted soul that I am - have decided to include him in the changes and ask his...gulp...opinion.

Bad move - he hates everything. Timing is awful. This is wrong - that is wrong. When is this going to get done - How am I going to handle this - What about that!!!!

So - I am moving now into caretaker mode.

Don't worry HB - it will be ok. I have everything under control HB. It will be fine HB.

Geez - that vacation with the man eating lizards is looking better and better everyday.

Tulum

I am trying to get to a foreign land - I have applied for a passport and now I wait for my special package delivery.

I am going to a land where you can't drink the water - but I am sure if I order a frozen drink the rum will kill any bacteria that may be in it.

If not- beer. Burp.

I have also been notified that the establishment doesn't have air condition. Supposedly - it is off the ocean and the cool breeze is supposed to keep me cool. We will see.

I have heard that the beach is covered with lizards. Lizards who are not afraid of people since some damn German tourists started a trend in letting the green things eat from their sausage plate. They are likened to pigeons or squirrels. Gross.

I have also been advised to use the mosquito netting provided when I sleep. The bugs it seems - are pretty hungry since they have to compete with the lizards for grub.

I have IBS and a two hour ride down an unpaved road seems like hell.

But - I am going to a foreign land.

I know you want to be me.

Cheese thighs

Well - I am now totally grossed out by the view in the mirror.

I know why granny panties are wore when you get older - they hide the cheese.

Yes - the cheese.

I put on a pair of pants - stood to the side - squeezed the buns - and I saw a huge bowl of cottage cheese in my pants.

So - I am going to try something terribly vain - but not as drastic as surgery.

I am going to undergo a treatment called "Endermology".

Laymans terms.....Fat vac.

I am going to put on a body stocking - then lay on a table and a woman is going to vac my thighs and bottom.

Its supposed to loosen the fat - toxin deposits under my skin and after a few treatments my cheese ass is magically supposed to vanish.

If this doesn't work - then I am going to have to go for the big guns.

I am aging at a rapid rate.

Although the newest hairdresser du jour stated she thought I was in my 20's when I told her I had a near 15 year old at home.

I tipped her well.

Gotta look good in the casket folks.

Vanity and cheese don't go together well.

Now - add a little wine.....Now were talking!