What to do...

Someone asks you for a letter of recommendation.  The job she seeks will probably be in the same field.  How do you do it when you have nothing to say?  I can say she's a good Mom, she has a great heart.  She is reliable and she has good organizational skills.

What she doesnt have is the ability to work with others.  Patience.  Zip on the problem solving skills.  She has a short fuse and a heavy mouth. 

Maybe this is only because she hates her job.  Maybe its the reason why she has decided to leave. 

But - I cannot in good heart and mind put that in writing for the next employer.  I would be lying. 

Thats what she has given me - and it is what I have seen.

If she was so awful - why did she stay employed for so long?  She's not awful or maybe we have just learned how to get around her moods.  In the end things get done - but at a price.

I am confused and feel badly that I cannot give a gleaming review.  I don't want to hurt anyones feelings or chances at gaining employement for themselves.  But - I don't want to be the reason someone hires someone.  My word is good in this business.  Good as gold. 

Does that mean that any employees we hire in the future you keep at arms length?  Can that be done in an office so small?  Is that what "I am the boss" means?

It's a very sticky situation and honesty is always the best policy.   Uggghhhh!!!!

I need a beer.

 

Correction

Ok - a couple of posts back I said Hope - its Help.  So that I don't misrepresent the DNC Candidates.  God Forbid.

Going, going....gone?

I don't think anyone has been interested in my 'going' since I was a baby.

You know when your Mom makes sure you 'go'?  Makes comments about it. Or, when you don't 'go' they get all concerned.  "She has a bellyache today - she hasnt 'gone'."

But my 'going' has become common talk.  Why, because I suffer from IBS. 

IBS stands for Irritating Bull Shit (not really - but I seem to scream that when running for the can).

If you've never experienced this 'syndrome' your really missing out.  It's a joy.  Things that you would never think of become regular staples in your car.  A bucket, some toilet paper, baby wipes and a change of clothes.  You become a major share holder in Imodium AD Extra Strength.  You know every can available from here to there and you dont even care if it hasn't been cleaned in a year. 

Your family and co-workers know that when you say pull-over you mean NOW! 

You consider diapers - but you still have enough pride left to not get them

There is no cure.  They blame diet, stress, lifestyle.  So one by one - you eliminate all the things they say that trigger you.  Nothing works.  So you work around it.  You learn to live with it. Its on your mind - every day - every hour.    These are things no one should have to worry about except my Gramma.  She worries about stuff like that.  My girlfriend with the newborn, worries about stuff like that. 

I may be seeing a light at the end of the tunnel (no pun intended).  It's been six years I have been dealing with this.  I seem to have been getting a break recently for whatever reason (maybe someone is taking pity on me and my family and friends).

Whatever it is, I am grateful - though it's made for some great comedy.

Now that I don't have 'going' on my mind as much - I am gonna have to 'come' up with something new to worry about. (Ba Dum Bump)

 

Hope

Ok - I will admit last night I watched some blurbs of the DNC (that name kills me everytime).  I briefly saw a girl talking about her mom - a mom talking about her husband.  Then the husband (who looks more like the son) gave a speech very similiar to the one Jesse Jackson gave a few years back. (Ya know the one -  Keep Hope Alive)

Edwards mantra was - Hope, is on the way.

Is it me? That the platform they all use - is same shit - different day? Doesnt matter which party.  I am not going to discuss which party is better.

Tax cuts - cut prescription cost - medical care (blah, blah,blah)  Hey - but hope is on the way.

Edwards made his money from suing companies for millions.  He is a lawyer.  His profession is the reason our insurance rates are so high. 

Some will say - "yes, but the little guy he represented that was hurt made millions too".  I understand that - but its going to continue. No matter what party is in the house.  We had Democrat in for 8 years.  Why didnt anything occur about the issue while he was in office? 

Well, I will tell you.  I will refer to Saturday morning cartoons (which everyone loves)

The President is a figure head.  He does not have power over much (ok, he can veto stuff - but he can't make laws).  The people that hold the key to anything being done are in the Congress and the Senate. http://www.school-house-rock.com/Bill.html   (Remember this when you were little?)

These are the folks you need to pay attention to when voting. 

They say yes or no. They make things happen.

The majority of the time nothing gets thru them because they are so busy bickering and taking sides and having fillabusters so that nothing gets done (remember that little lovely thing last session?)

I learned when I bought my home - Washington didnt effect me.  The City Council did.  My taxes and where I can dig on MY property is the decision of a 6 person panel.  People don't need too look far to see the people that really effect them.  There are so many levels of Goverment before you EVEN get to the President.

When you vote for President - your voting for the 'voice of the USA'.  He represents America.  If you don't like the way he represents you - then vote him out. 

But - if your primary concerns are the issues they speak of - you need to vote the PROPER  people into the Congress and Senate. 

In November - you are voting for the mouthpiece.  I think my mouthpiece is fine.  Sure, he may mispronounce a word or two. Then the media has a field day.  But most of America didnt know the proper way to say the word anyway.  So making fun of him is funny but useless.

I was happy that Bush was in the White House when terror struck.  He stood in front of those cameras and said what every American was thinking.  "Watch out Terrorist, we will hunt you down and eat your balls for breakfast!"

BUT - he had to get it 'APPROVED' first.  He knew this and did what he had to do (even if he said he didn't - whatever).  He knew to go after the Terrorists he had to pass it thru.....(anyone? You Sir, with your hand up in the back)  Thats right...Congress!

People don't agree with the war - I feel safer today than I did on Sept 11.  I was terrified.

People blame him for oil prices - Its not our oil.  You won't let him dig - remember?!?

So then it all comes back to - health care, prescriptions and tax the rich, give to the poor.

I am telling you -  if you keep re-electing the same old men year after year as your Congressman and Senator (don't play dumb - some of these folks are pushing 80 - I wouldnt trust them in a car and on the road but you keep re-electing them to make your decisions!!!  What are you thinking???) nothing will get done.

We will continue to put in a handsome man (All of our Presidents look good - they are mouthpieces).  Wonder what his wife is wearing. 

The old - bloated guys in office will maybe come in if they don't have a doctors appointment.

Hey, but Hope is on the way!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahhhh TV...

Last nite was a good one.  Reality shows galore.

Too bad I didnt have any popcorn (its has carbs - right HB?)  J and I sat there all night for a TV extravaganza.

The 2nd installment of Trading Spouses was on last night.  I don't know if anyone caught it.  But the white lady came off horrible.  I hope she sat there and watched it with her family last night and was embarrassed.  It's going to be an ongoing show - it will be on again next Tuesday with a new family.  The next family previews look like they are gonna be good!

Big Brother was on at 9.  I love this show too.  Where the casting directors got these people I will never know.  They are some of the most horrible people on the planet.  A few seasons back there was a man named Will who won the game.  Will was a skunk, but not a mean in your face skunk.  He played the house like a fiddle.  Deserved to win because he was a great player. The men on this program "The Four Horsemen" are arrogant, evil hearted and mean". They have apparently gotten thru life on their looks because their personality sucks rotten eggs.  I am hoping with last nights show that there will be a turnaround for the other half of the house.  Cross your fingers that the tiebreaker (Head of Household) will make the right choices.  He comes off as a weenie but he may be a really good player.  We will see Thursday.

The Amazing Race was also on last night.  Regretfully - it was up against Queer Eye.  I had to make a choice and Carson the Fashion Diva won.  They did a great job on the man they were working on (as usual).  I think every man needs to make a gay friend. It only seems to be a benefit.  Even the most manly of men on the show end up in tears because of how grateful they are to the Q.E. crew.

The DNC (fitting name don't you think? For the men out there - its a procedure for women) was also on. 

But guess what?  I didn't watch it.  I will wait for the debates. 

 

 

Maybe it's me...

I am either really cranky or I have a short fuse this week.

Let's talk about lines.  I am talking about lines that are formed when people are waiting to get to one specific area.  Lines are formed to create order.  One by one - people form a line - one behind the other.  Each person is taken care of in order.  Lines may be long, but if you WAIT YOUR TURN you will be waited on too.  See simple.

Well - I live in a place where many people have migrated from some third world country where apparently they do not have these things called lines.

We have lines at stores, banks and even those merge lanes on the highway can be considered lines.  Lines work.  Lines prevent others from screaming that they were there first.  Lines make life fair and everyone is happy and can move on with their day.

Some people don't believe in lines at all.  My father used to make fun of a commercial that said "stay in the lines - the lines are good" refering to coloring.  I am all for someone showing their creative side.   But - not while I am waiting in line.  Do it on your own time.

I think that if you come into this country - you need to learn a few things.

First - To speak the language (thats English just in case your confused) Even if just a little.  At least I know you are trying.

Second - To drive.  I think this has a lot to do with lines again.  There are lines on the road for a reason.  Stay in your lane.  If you are going to come in my lane.  Warn me...I dunno maybe you can use your turn signal provided in the car?  I am just sayin.

Plus - the honking thing as soon as the light turns gets old.  Take a chill pill.

Third - To make a line - a single line.  I understand that some of you come from worlds where its first come first serve. You have to scramble, crawl and push to get what is rightfully yours. 
But - America has so much to offer.  We have quite the bounty of everything you could possibly ever want. 

If you just wait in line.  That bag of Yucca could soon be yours too.

What was she thinking...

My daughter and all her infinite wisdom told someone that we would be more than happy to take a dog that needs a home.

I lost my dog of 13 years in February to old age and various ailments and I am taking my time to decide if I even want to care for another doggy right now.    Why would I say 'I'?  Because we have become doggysitting central since Luckys passing.  During that time though I have enjoyed playing and loving and feeding these animals.  What I havent enjoyed is the bathroom time.  These dogs large and small leave little presents which I need to pick up or spray down.  They need to go all the time.

J (as I will refer to her) has loved having the company of a dog.  She will drag them into her room so she can sleep with them.  But - when they start to stir and need to go out she staggers to her door opens it and lets them out...into the living room.  Once they are there - you can here the 'tap,tap,tap' of their toes on the tile.  "Where did the human go?"  Then the 'tap,tap,tap' in my room.  'I' have to get up and let them out to pee - smell a flower and take a poop.  'I' have to pick it up. 

So - what type of dog has she agreed to adopt?  A german shepard.  A HUGE beast that has huge poops.  What the ...

I have mentioned a little doggy - a Bichon or something from the teacup family.  Little poops.

She's not happy at all.  (whatever)  When I actually see her get up and let a dog out then pick up the mess that occurs then she can have a say on what dog we can have.  

A german shepard - What was she thinking???

Irony

On my way in this morning I listen to news radio.  I dont use it for traffic reports as my work is only down the road from where I live.  I listen to it because its news, straight and to the point.  I can hear whats going on in the world in the 10 minutes my drive takes me.

We today - Kim Commando (who is some computer guru) has a blurb about blogs.  Did you know that some blogs are paid in excess of $5000 a month by advertising companies?  Apparently it will continue and maybe one day you and I will be rich, rich, rich (wild laughter).

So - as I am logging in I am pondering what type of advertising company would be interested in me.  I tout FOX and Marlboro and Starbucks. I can think of alot more - I havent even mentioned but it would be stuff like booze, and Imodium and marital aids (uuhh -kidding Mom).
But seriously....I can sell Starbucks. 

Well back to ...as I am logging on...I am pondering....I already have an ad on the top of my blog/diary.  Does anyone care to guess what someone is selling on my Blog/Diary???

NO SMOKING AIDS!!! 

Irony.

Its Monday and I am grumpy

I am tired of watching what I eat.  I want to eat whatever I want.  I am tired of picking and choosing.  Making good food choices.  I am tired and bored of it.

I don't want to think and make changes in the menu.  I want to eat that potato that comes with the steak and I want to eat the entire bag of fries.  I want to order a girle drink loaded with sugar and I dont want to have to just have Vodka because it has 0 net carbs.  I miss pita bread - I miss pizza.  I miss garlic bread and mac and cheese.  I miss a Whopper with the bun and a 12 foot sub actually in the roll.  I want hashbrowns with my eggs and toast too!!!

I don't want to be reminded that today will be the day we will start back on the strict no carb regimine because some else is feeling fat.  If I feel like taking a break and so what if it cost me a few pounds.  I miss carbs!!! 

Its Monday HB and "I want" in - this - order....A whopper with cheese, large fries and a chocolate milkshake.  If you want yours without the bun and a glass of water please feel free to have it. 

But if your hand gets in my way - I will eat that too!

 

Boozing Moms

My daughter will be attending private school this year for the very first time.  Her old public school was horrid and if I kept her in there - they would have swallowed her up and spit her out.

But - with private school comes, uniforms.  Now in the grand scheme of things you would think uniforms are great.  Not having to think about what your going to wear.  Having to keep up with the Jones family.  Or avoiding that fight in the dressing room over whether the pants are too tight or the shirt too short.  But - uniforms come with issues all thier own.

They are not made for every body type.  I am not even saying they are made for Twiggy.  The model that they use has a very long crotch and no butt to speak of.  Now  I do have to say they are unisex.  What fits the girls must fit the boys (I guess thats where the long crotch comes into play). 

The employees just stand outside of the dressing room and say the "thats how its supposed to fit" thing. 

All the girls were mortified.  Whining and complaining.  Hissing noises could be heard thruout the store.  Teeth were sucked and comments were said under their breath.

I decided then and there - this is how alcoholic mothers are made.

 

 

 

Arrgghhh

Monday.  It comes around week after week.  Usually the day after a Sunday.  Everytime after a weekend that you dont want to end.  Mondays, bleech!

**On the Reality TV note.  I spoke about a Wife Swap show.  Its really called Trading Spouses.  Its on FOX.  It will have an encore presentation tonight and then the second show will be on Tuesday as regularly scheduled.  I really liked it.  I hope you make a point to see it.  **

The ciggie commies were in full force this weekend.  As most of your know - Florida residents have voted to keep smokers out of restaurants.  Most establishments freaked because they knew that it would seriously hurt their bottom line.  Soooo...most (not all) have decided to make outdoor seating areas for the smokers. Some of them not acceptable AT ALL . But, some places have made little terraces of paradise.    I will admit - I would much rather be sitting in the A/C but I have been banned to the patio - so I will make the most of it.  Well apparantly so have all the ciggie commies that voted that I cannot smoke inside.  They are taking up tables  that are SUPPOSED to be for ME!  Or making little comments like, "I dont want to sit here - she's smoking".  Do you see where this is going...??? 

I am gonna eat at home.

 

 

Advice

The best piece of advice that I can give you today is open your mail.  I am not talking junk-mail.  I am talking about those standard things you get from you car note or your insurance company. 

I have become lazy and rip them open with my finger.  Peek inside (not even removing from the envelope) then throw it in a pile.  Well - its insurance time.  When all the policies have come due.  I have become lazy because I don't pay them.  I pay my mortgage company and they pay them.  So - when I see "this is not a bill" I say - "ok" and pile them away.

So - I am looking into refinancing so I have become interested in how much it cost me to insure my stuff. 

Well first off - I just got a new car.  I received a statement for the old one.  I would have been inclined to throw it away.  I dont have that old car anymore.  Well - it was a cancellation notice with a little "check of love" in it.  I almost threw it away.  And - State farm would have never said anything.  Or placed the credit towards my new car, because duhhhh they already sent me a check.

Second mail flub - this is a biggie.  Some of you know I live near a LARGE body of water.  So they MAKE you get flood insurance.  Just in case a huge wave flys over the big condos and floats my way.  Never paid attention.  I dont pay it (well I do - but since I dont write a check I don't ever look at the bill).  Well - I open - scan - jaw drops to the floor.  If in fact it rains and the ocean decides to do a back flow into my home I only get 10% of my homes value to fix it and you know the furniture and stuff that would be the first to get ruined by the litter box they call they ocean...$1000.00. 

"Hey, Rooms to Go guy, can you outfit my home after this flood I had for one grand?" (can you hear the laughter??)

So I call them - "Uh, did you miss a digit or two or three?" "No, its been like that since the beginning (going on 4 years!).  But - call this man and for a small fee he will come over and we will figure out what we can overcharge ( oh - I am sorry charge) you to increase the number to fit your needs.

(Smacking myself in the head - whap, whap whap) There goes my "check of love".

Then the final one was a HUGE package from another insurance agent - Its the policy they send you every year with all the changes that they made (you can understand it so off it goes in the pile).  So it starts.. Its legalease - blah blah blah. "Sign here and return as soon as possible because your WINDSTORM (hurricane policy) has been REASSIGNED and you will get a CREDIT if you return this to us so we can notify your Mortgage company.  FAILURE  to comply will leave your policy "NULL AND VOID" (which means no hurricane coverage). 

(Smacking myself in head again)

Read your mail!!!

Friday....

You know the song?

Friday...(do doo do do) Thank God it's Frii-daayy.

Friday...(do doo do do) Thank God it's Frii-daayy.

(I know your singing it to yourself now - your doing the music in your head...do do doo do).

Guess  what? Now your stuck for the rest of the morning.  Just thought I would put it in there for fun.

Friday. (do doo do dooo) Thank God it's Friii-daaayyy.

Friday.  (do doo do dooo) Thank God its Friii-ddaayyy.

 

Mindless Drivel

I dont share this Blog with you know who (H-B). 

He thinks this is mindless drivel and thinks I need to get back to work (whatever).

But - he shares with me today the blog he reads and then goes on to rant and rave about how the 'adults' are running the country....blah, blah snooore. I should read more about the world(zzzz....sorry were you saying something)

I think useless rambling is a good thing.  That's what women do.  We gab.  We can talk for hours.  We can talk over and over again about the same crap - day after day.  Mindless is good.  Stupid is good.

That's why I like magazines.  Cosmo, Lucky, Elle and People.  Just a bunch of ads - random thoughts and sometimes those free samples of perfume too (extra bonus)!

Men on the other hand read...National Geographic, Sports Illustrated, Time (do you see what I am getting at?). 

We flip - they read.  We browse - they sit holding our purses and stew thinking of all the things they could be doing to be more productive to this great world of ours. 

But - let's think what mindless acts men do.

HB can sit and smoke a cigar on the back for an hour.  Not reading just looking into space.  

HB can make an afternoon out of watering the lawn (also done while smoking a cigar).  I am not speaking of setting up the sprinkler either.  He will grab the hose and stand there in one spot seemingly forever.

He will flip. Channel after channel. Over and over.  Not slow enough to see whats on that channel he just passed - just flip.

Now he will tell you - he's contemplating.  Thinking and planning.  Mind always working.

But then how come when I ask him what he's thinking he says 'Nothing' ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spy

Ok - I just got another call from my Gramma.  Can I say something? (I will anyways because she doesnt own a computer).  You know how the 9/11 report is coming out today?  Well, apparently they think we need another level of intelligence.  Forget the CIA or the FBI or Homeland Security guy.  No -  We need someone else.  We need...spies!!!

Well - I would like to nominate Gramma. 

She knows everything about everyone.  Somehow in her Gramma way she gets everything from you.  Even if she doesnt know you.  If you are in the WinnDixie and you see her coming towards you.  I suggest you run.  She will smell you out, hunt you down and know your whole life story before you even know what hit you.

She won't tempt you with cookies.  Stale bagels and old coffee cake (maybe).  But she has this power to bomb you with question after question.  You don't even think your answering her.  But at the end of the conversation she knows EVERYTHING!

When I have something to hide.  I avoid her. It's best that way.

But she always catches you - she makes friends with your co workers.  They are like "what a sweet old lady"  "Shes so funny".  But what they don't realize is she sucking their brains for info because by the time they pass her to me she knows stuff about them I didnt even know.

I used to think I was tired after talking to her because she talks so much.  I figured it out - Shes not talking - she's sucking my brain for info - I just 'think'  its talking as there seems to be a buzzing in the air.  See that's how she gets you.

She's Americas number one spy.  No man can resist Gramma.  Those terrorist won't even know what hit them.  Forget the language barrier.  She'll just talk louder and s-l-o-w-e-r and soon we will know all thier secrets. 

Believe me - I have seen it in action.  My brother ex in-laws didnt speak a word of English - but she was doing hand gestures,  that mime thing and soon they were all hugging and singing Kumbaya.

With Gramma in power - we will rule the world!!!!

 

Speaking of smoking

I have a new car.  Hunny-Bunny says no smoking in the car.  It's my car.

Whats with that!?!

Everyones against me today.  Ciggie commies.

 

My kingdom

I now have a staff.  Sounds funny- I know.  But I am thinking about it and I have a staff.
I have a maid (Hunny-Bunny says they are Housekeepers - whatever).  I have a gardener and I have a pet-walker.

I laugh to myself about this because I always thought..."I am woman hear me roar!" I could do my own damn laundry , mulch my own yard and feed and walk my own dog.

But - I have decided that I don't want to.  I want to come home and chill out.  On the weekends I want to do fun stuff and I am tired yelling about the condition of the house and yard. So I hired so people who take care of it for me.

Now - being the boss of these people has it's downside.  I have now gotten very picky.  More picky than I ever would have asked from myself. 

I will give you an example.  The maid was almost brought to tears working on my house the first time but she did a fine job.  But now I have come to expect excellence.  Why?  Because I am paying her.  She cleaned my fridge yesterday and it sparkles.  She didnt dust the top.  I find myself shaking my head and saying "Tsk, tsk, tsk".  I have a gardener - she has made my yard a thing of spectacular beauty. I have flowers everywhere and I love it. But God forbid she doesnt get that weed that I have been eyeing all week.  You mean "I" have to bend over and pull it?!?

The dog walker - she's ok for now except for that alarm fiasco - plus isnt perfuming the dog after a walk an option? 

These people are not making a fortune from me by any means.  They are working for well below minimum wage for what they do and doing the dirty work I have given them.  But - somehow they all show up week after week and take pride in thier work. 

My shirts are folded perfectly.  Like they were ironed one by one.  You should see my linen closet - I kept opening the door over and over in amazement.  Yep - still pretty.  Everyday I drive up and its like Christmas.  What did my staff do for me today?!?!?

I love my staff.  I need to relax and I need to pull that weed!

 

smoke breaks

I get smoke breaks at work two 15's and lunch.  My boss is an ex smoker.  He should understand. It takes 5 minutes max to smoke one cigarette.  So - I should get 6 breaks total at 5 minutes each if I don't use my 15 minutes at once.

It makes sense to me.

I am all giddy....

I looooove reality TV.  I loved Real World when in came out in 92.  Now its 2004 and I can't wait till the next season starts.  I like Joe Schmo and Survivor.  I liked Survivor so much that a few years back that when I was traveling on business I asked my client if I could follow him home with his partner just so I could see the Final Episode of Survivor (Tina won that year - I so thought Cody had it in the bag).  Granted, I had to watch it between the commercials of Will and Grace.  But - hey, he let me watch it!

My hunny-bunny calls it Stupid TV.  So I gently remind him of the other TV located in a different room.

Now is it reality?  No.  I don't even know exactly why they call it that.  It's not like any reality I know.  And then - somewhere in the show they have a part where they are going to try to hurt and humiliate them.  Like the show....can't remember the name...it was on Bravo.  It was a gay guy looking for love - the catch, some of the suitors were straight. He cried.  It made for good TV.

The newest one out is WifeSwap (or something like that).  The first 10 minutes grab your attention.  You have a black lady with 3 kids and a hubby.  The both have a job in the medical field.  They live day to day and she rules that home with an iron fist and humor to boot.

The second wife is a waspy blonde.  Married to a Japanese guy.  They are loaded.  I do not know what he does for a living but he put the word bling in bling bling.  She lives with her Nana and two kids.  They show her eating a really nice dinner in that first 10 minutes at home ( these little things are important to note).  Then they are whisked away to live the life of the other.

Well - everyone is really nice at first.  The waspy blonde is embarrasing - "I want to meet everyone on this earth - I want to make the color of a rainbow with the people I come across.  Hey kids - your white mama is home!"

Well the black lady is amazed and gracious.  She went right into her role.  She made breakfast.  She cleaned up after.  She offered to make lunch for the daughter when she returned. She played games with the son.

The white lady - bitched and whined and complained.  She rolled her eyes.  She yawned and was bossy and demanding.  Her shared family made their own breakfast (SHE DOESNT COOK) - ran to the store for her (SHE DIDNT DO INSTANT COFFEE)  and one of the sons sat at a fuse box and kept flipping a blown fuse at least 40 times so she could dry her hair.  Why she didnt change outlets is beyond me.  The thing that killed me about her is she would not shutup about the shared daughters weight. 

So whats the catch? They get 50k.  The shared mother has to decide how the other is going to spend the money.  The black family has about 30k in debt - she wants a used corvette and a louis v purse.  I have no clue what the white lady wants or needs.  It seems she needs nothing just looking at her lifestyle - but who knows.

My opinion - the white lady who has been harping on this 13 year old about her weight is going to do something about it.  Not that the 13 year old asked for her help - she seems uncomfortable and on the verge of tears everytime white lady says something about it. But - they showed scenes from next weeks show where the real moms are reading the letters and the 13 year old is crying. 

Thats my bet for the week.  I will throw my trusty pillow at the screen if this happens and then I will curse the families for putting their kids thru this.  Some people - I tell ya.  Amazing.

If you watched it - whats your views?  What do you think is gonna happen?

 

 

ohhh nooo....

Yes- my dear little brother has outed my deep thoughts page.  The pain - the embarrassment that now shall befall him....hee hee hee.
 
As I had mentioned in a previous post.  I would call this Diary. 
 
Just like a little brother to tattle and tell all his friends (Rasberries to you).  All because I mentioned his ummm...shortcomings.  I think his body fits his rather large head perfectly. (Don't laugh - its a small defect and he has feelings you know).
 
I say this all in jest you know.  He's a pretty great guy.  We are a few years apart in age.  So I remember when they brought him home.  He was the little brother so he was picked on a little (only a little b-cuz I could have made him totally drink the pee if I really wanted). But - the good part was when he was old enough to kick my ass I was already out of the house.
 
Recently - he has been going thru some changes in life.  (I know its a little late for puberty to hit - but I told you, defect).  And, he has come to me to let me know.  I was floored and flabergasted as we never really shared.  But it made my heart smile (just a little - don't think for a minute I was getting soft).
 
He is bringing two little big heads into the world (this is where we start feeling the pain for momma). 
 
Oh yeah = I only want to remind you (and Momma)  that our parental unit had to get knocked out totally to pass your watermelon head.
 
 I think he will do a great job.  My daughter digs him and thinks he's very funny (whatever). So there will be laughter in the house.  He is the smart one (because his brain is bigger because of the head thing) and he can play an instrument (so the home will be filled with music - I am sure they are familiar with Metallica from the womb at this point).
 
He has all the mannerisms of my father down (its spooky) so he will be the one that will make the kids tremble before he has said a word (Its all in the eyes) when they are in trouble.
 
He has a good heart (that - he gets from me) and a good soul (uh - me again) and he a big softy ( he cries watching chicks flicks).
 
He will do well - he will make pretty babies and he will be a great Daddy.  I hope he has a boy and a girl.
 
Just like us. 
 
 

My pint sized twin is home...

Well - not exactly twin.  I think she's more like her Dad - but she will swear we are like each other.
 
Its weird - when I look at her how I see her Dad.  So spooky that she doesnt spend anytime with him for one reason or another and her characteristics are his.  I only thought genetics had something to do with they way you look.  Not the way you act.  Your gestures and so on.
 
But - the twin part came in yesterday.  I like to shop.  I don't even care if I buy anything.  I like to look and oooohhh and ahhhh.  My fave thing to say is..."Thats cute, how cute, you look cute".
My daughter actually got dressed up to go out with me.  Looked around and ooohhed and ahhed and said the word "cute".
 
We didnt discuss politics or religion and when a nasty-ass song came on the radio she quickly changed it.
 
As I had mentioned before she has been away visiting her NeeNee for two weeks.  She has returned a girly-girl.  My mom isnt girly-girl.  What the heck happened!!!!
 
I can only say - I hope that she maintains this characteristic that I adore.  I think girls are meant to be just that.  Sure - I want her to work just as hard as any man.  But - you should always look "Cute" when you walk out the door.
 
 
 

Black and White in a grey world.

I miss my youth.  I miss spouting off the so called injustice I noticed in the world.  I miss seeing everything in black in white.  Why?  Because then it would be easier to deal with the words that spew from the youth of today.
 
Things are not black and white.  They are grey.  They will never be black and white because of the lack of responsibility people take for thier actions.
 
This isnt a poor vs rich thing either.  This spans humanity. The CEO who signs everything states he didnt know that the CFO was fixing the numbers.  Its his job to know.  The media mogul who refuses to say she's sorry for her actions.  Instead, she blames everyone else for getting involved in her "personal matters".  The young man who was high on drugs and wouldnt go with the police willingly so they zap him with the taser.  He dies.  According to his family he would have lived if the police would have left him be. So he robbed a few people.  So what.  Now they are suing the PD.
 
I readily admit that I didnt take advantage of the education that was available to me.  But, somewho I managed to work hard and make a living for myself.  I am not going to blame the school system for not being able to name the 50 states without looking them up.  I am sure that was a lesson.  I chose not to pay attention.
 
If I get a ticket.  I am sure it's because I have done something wrong.  You will never see me fight with a police officer on that one.  They don't do it because they are bored or have a quota.  I was breaking the law.
 
I had a friend who blamed his family for his misfortune.  His lack of anything good in his life.  In fact it was his own lack of work ethic.  His own lack of humility.  That makes life hard for him until this very day.
 
I am a victim.  Poor me.   Boo - Hoo - Hoo.
 
I have always been fairly spirtual.  I thought I was very religious but when I found that I broke too many of the rules in the code of ethics upheld in the churh that I was no longer welcome I decided to live by the 10 commandments.  I truly believe that those 10 "statements" are what the laws of this land were originally based on and should be based on to this very day.  I believe that if you live by these 10 "rules" you will be ok.
 
Many people are fighting to have these "rules" removed from courthouses.  I think that even though they are winning - I give kudos to the judges that are telling them to "stuff it".
 
If you run "The 10 Commandments" on your MSN search page.  You don't get the 10 Commandments.  You get articles on how evil they are and how they need to be removed because someones eyes began to bleed when they saw them in the courthouse. 
 
But - Is it so wrong to live by...
 
Honor your Mom and Dad. (No matter how much of a tool you thought they were - you try being a parent)
 
Dont kill. (No brainer here - whats so wrong with dont kill?)
 
Dont steal. (Another no brainer - having people steal from you sucks!!!)
 
Dont have sex with others while your married (oh this is the toughie - Romeo - get a divorce first)
 
Don't use the Lords name in vain (Is is so hard NOT to say G-d Dammit or Jeeesus C-rist? - Get creative - There are much better bad words out there).
 
Take a day and rest - rejoice in the beautiful world thats out there.  (This means - get outside and take the time to see a sunset - the TV and work will be there when you return)
 
Dont bear false witness against your neighbor (This means when Mary comes over for coffee one day - dont talk about Fran and say the only way they got that big new boat was because her Hubby sells drugs and shes a Ho.)
 
Now the one - I have the most problem with is the thall shall not covet one.  (Who doesnt look at the new pools and wish they had one - or the new car and dream?  Or the hottie new hubby and Fantasize?)  I am guilty of this one but you know how I remedy it?  I wont steal it or kill anyone to get it or talk bad about the one that has it.  So it equals itself out.
 
See when you look at it in these terms its simple.  Not black and white.  But a shade of gray.
 
 

Um...pass the dictionary

Three in one day.  Bored - probably - but I have made another observation from my lame-o world.
 
I was looking into other Blogs and I don't mean to be critical and I would never tell them so in the comments section, but.... (this is where I give my opinion though no one asked or cared to know).
 
Where did all these very articulate folks come from?  Come on,  no one talks like this in real life.
 
Plus - What normal Moe (that means Normal Moe in Geek speak) reads it and finds enjoyment out of reading something that needs a dictionary to translate?
 
All I keep thinking about as I read the textbook-like blog..."Look at the brain on Brad!"
 
Some of you are a little too deep for your own good.  Yawn.
 
 
 

Silent but deadly, Not!

As I get older - I am now getting the most dreaded thing in the world.  Uncontrollable farting.  You know the kind.  The kind that when your Gramma bent over to take something out of the oven it escaped from her rear.  The kind that just ripped out of your Great Grammpas butt while he was watching the news?  They never apologized.  They would always blame it on the dog or a frog in the room.
 
I have always been very concerned about being embarrassed by farting.  So - I learned how to be "silent but deadly".  The kind that sneaks out, ever so quietly and by the time the smell makes it to someone elses nose you have walked (quickly) away - never to be smelled again.
 
I am losing the silent part.  What is it?  When you get old does your butthole loosen too?  Is it necessary for exiting gas to make all that noise while your trying to escape?
 
But then again - maybe its not me making all that noise.  There was probably a dog or frog in the room.

A language all its own...

I love Starbucks.  I am such a fan - its disgusting.  I spend on average about $1500.00 per year with them.  Maybe more because I will take anyone there who hasn't experienced this lovely nectar and introduce them to the Starbucks Experience.  In my neighborhood - they are about 10 blocks away from each other.  I know each and everyone.  The baristas know my drink of choice and I always leave with the best cup of coffee in town.
 
I know I do because I have tried them all.  I live in a town thats trying to revamp itself with neat coffee houses and spectacular restaurants and cute clothing stores and relaxing spas.  I believe you should try to keep the money in the 'hood.  So, I gave them a shot. Bleecch.
 
Some people said I should make my own.   Once again, I have tried - I failed.  Double Bleech.
 
What is it about Starbucks?  Is it because they have thier own language?  I like a Triple Grande Almond Latte.  This means a medium expresso - three shots with steamed milk and some almond syrup.  If I ordered it as I explained it - it would then be shouted to the Barista as Starbuckanese.  Like a Frappachino.  Its sounds good, tastes good - but its really only an iced blended coffee.
 
My boyfriend doesnt get the language.  He thinks somehow it makes him "gay" to say the words Triple Grande Almond Latte.  He says that - because of the Starbuckanese that gives them every right to charge me $4.23 for a .99 cent cup of coffee. 
 
I am starting to wonder.  Could he be right?
 
So - last night we venture into Cold Stone Creamery.  Guess what they have...?  Yep,  a language all their own. I will call it Creamanese.  I got a LoveIt Germanchocolatakake.  Description they take ordinary chocolate icecream and them mix alot of goodies in it.  Taste great - good portion and lots of stuff in it.  Well - we get to the cashier.  The total for two...over $10.00.  I could have gone into Winn Dixie and bought all the stuff needed to make it and still have leftovers for days for $10.00.
 
oh geez - Now I just had a moment of panic.  Remember the Eddie Murphy movie where he is making fun of his Mom because he wanted McDonalds?  She said she could make the same thing with stuff she had in the fridge?  So she made a meatball with green onions and placed it between two slices of white bread.  This does not a cheeseburger make.  But it was less costly.
 
I feel the Mommy gene kicking in - I actually thought for a moment that "I" could in fact duplicate the "Creamery" experience.  Didnt I learn with the "Starbuck" making my own coffee fiasco?!?
 
Ok - breathe....Every Mom reading this - please raise your right hand. 
 
I do solemnly swear that I will never, ever, ever try to recreate, make, or substitute something for the real thing.  No matter what the cost.  Amen.
 
You and I both know its never the same - anyways.

Bill...

Bill Cosby (that is). I have never been as big of a fan of Mr. Cosby as I am right this very second. Well - I liked him as Dr. Huxtable in the 80's. He was a funny Dad!

As you know, Bill has come out in publichttp://slate.msn.com/id/2103794/?GT1+4244 to say what was only said in secret behind closed doors and very low whispers.

The reason I like Bill right now is because of the culture that has totally soaked into teenage America. I think his cry was mainly for the African American citizen. But I think that it can carry over into White America. I know that as a mother of a teenage daughter who has teenage friends. Or, walking down the streets or in a mall you hear the same thing coming out of the youths of any race. I am always correcting them and I do that not only out of love, but because the words that are spoken now will not carry over into adulthood. It will never be acceptable unless you make your living speaking and acting in that manner.

It's not ok - and it never was or will be ok. I don't expect every teenager to act like little ladies and gentleman. I know I was very obnoxious with my "gnarly, barf and like gag me" verbage.
But - I didn't listen to music about women being bitches, how they act like ho's and their sexual acts graphically described.

I like music - always have. Great beat. But when I hear the lyrics it reminds me of that thing Mom's always used to say..."Leave a little to the imagination". Nothing was better than trying to figure out what we thought they were trying to say. If they were trying to say anything at all.

What do you call...

A place that is located so far south that its heat index is equivalent to the South American Rain Forests? A place where the bartender cannot afford to live and has to drive in from another place because the land is stupid expensive? A place where you may have a hard time distinguishing the men from the women? A place so laden with ghosts and ghouls that all your film from the weekend has these tiny white spots (orbs)?

This place is Key West and my Spidey Senses were tingling.

Why? Ghosts. Yes sir-ree I do believe in ghosts. I wouldnt say I am I am a seer. But I think that I am ultra sensitive to spirts.

I believe that ghosts are like vampires. A vampire cannot harm you in your home if you don't let him in. It's only once he is welcomed - he can cause havoc on your soul. Ghosts are the same way. They are there. I know they are. For all those naysayers I have an example. Your sleeping all cozy in your bed. Then you feel someone sit on the bed - you feel the presence. That, my friend, is a ghost.

I went as far a buying sage and "cleansing" my home with the smoky bush. Why - I don't mind living amongst them. I believe my Grandpa Louie-Louie comes and hangs with us sometimes. I believe that because I know he came and said goodbye to me. What I dont want are the mean ghosts. I dont want the playful ones either because they never seem to know when enough is enough. But - if your a good ghost and you want to come chill out at the "Casa del JacMariesmom" grab a drink and keep the burglars at bay.

I like having Spidey Senses sometimes. Two times in particular on the trip made the tour worthwhile. The first time was when I was walking thru Ernest Hemingways home and sitting in his gardens. I went up to his studio and you could actually see him working - walking around in thought. Heading to the bathroom. The second time was at the Fort. The Civil War never made it that far - though they were staffed to the hilt and people died at 15 a day. But looking over the courtyard - I could see the soldiers busy at work. The Commander at the desk surrounded by maps.

Some may say I only have a good imagination. I say...they are ghosts.

My daughter...

My daughter and all her computer skills has found my Diary. Your a snoop o' little one. That's ok - she knows a lot about her Momma. Warts and all.

My lil girl will be coming home this weekend. I am truly excited. I miss her more than you can imagine. My parents have been gems though to give me this opportunity for us to have some "alone" time. I think it has given us the opportunity to miss each other. I hope she is as excited to see me as I am her. I will cry when I see her. She will roll her eyes and say..."Mooooom - stop it!" But - after I wipe my slimy nose on her and she laughs. Its worth the ridicule.

In the end its me and her. I tell her that all the time. I am her biggest fan. She is an excellent student and she has a brain bigger than most. She has had some ups and downs in her life but she tries not to play victim. She takes those things that hurt her and it makes her a stronger person.

I hope she takes advantage of all the opportunitys given to her. I hope she doesnt squander them and then regret it in the end. I hope she grows up and adds to society - that she makes a difference and doesnt live off the system. I wish her only a good man when she's older that treat her with respect and honesty. I wish for her a good job that makes her feel worthwhile. I wish her only good fortune and never a black cloud.

Why all these hopes and wishes?

My friends daughter is in the hospital with Kidney Renal Failure. She is a very sick little girl and I send to her my prayers. I send them to the little girl and to her Mother and Father so that have the strength to deal with the long road ahead. The fact that they have to see their daughter so frail and in a dangerous time. I wouldnt wish that upon anyone.

I have these hopes and wishes for my daughter - so that she will realize she has her health, she has the opportunity and she has the mind and the will to make anything happen. Life is short. Too short.

Never waste it.

I shall name him....

Tony Bologna. Thats my pet name for my honey-bunny. My shnook-ums. My sweetie pie. I know, I hear the gags already. But - I don't care. He's a good man.

I met him many years ago. He was my Manager and I was a recent HS Grad and really didn't have much going for me in the workplace except my sunny-disposition (yes - I have one - well, every once in a while).

Well - he saw something in me. Behind my Sally Jesse Rafael glasses and payless shoes. He gave me opportunities that no other employer would even dream of placing me in. For this, I am grateful.

Time passed and we went our separate ways to other businesses. Always keeping in contact as we both stayed in the same field. He was someone I always called friend. When money was tight for me or when we really needed some guidance and help, he was always there. He taught me how to play golf (a hobby I miss) and how to portray myself as a serious businessperson.

Well, as luck would have it about 6 years ago we both found ourselves in a place where we were in failed marriages and our friendship flourished into a romantic whirlwind. It wasnt easy. Speculation, peering eyes over the eyeglasses and whispers were heard. Blatant finger pointing and blame was screamed. But - here we are many years later. Together and strong - while our "others" have been thru a string of relationships. Why? We still have that core of friendship. He is my biggest fan - I am his. He is proud of me everyday and tells me so. He makes me feel so safe when I feel small and fragile. He gives me the strength every day to get up and keep on moving ahead. He tells me I am pretty. He is a good role model to my daughter and although he is not her "real" Dad you would think he is when she starts talking about boys and he makes a real funny face like my Dad used to make. Most importantly - He loves her as much as he loves me

Why am I vomiting my soul on this thing? Who knows. No one knows it exists. I guess it's because when I was younger - I didnt keep a diary. I couldn't. I couldn't because my parents were very into what I was up to. I can't blame them. As a parent now I totally understand. But - my most personal thoughts had to stay in my head because I would have been mortified if they would have read them. I was a good kid. I never was pregnant or arrested. I always held a steady job. I kept the house clean and I graduated from school. But - they wanted to make sure I was REAALLLLY ok, so they snooped.

So with that said - I will not call this Blog. I will call it Diary.

Burn baby burn.

I am feeling old and ugly today. Though I look cute (I really like my outfit). My face is really bothering me (I know, its bothering you too).

I went to the beach this weekend. (Yes Mom, I wore sunscreen!) I even sat under a beach umbrella. Now- what kind of day at the beach is this? Remember when you were a kid and you piled into the car with your friends? You would, sit at the beach all day. Drank whatever concoction your freinds were able to make from the bottles in their parents bar. Lube yourself up with baby oil and bake. For hours. No care about skin cancer. No worries about wrinkles. You earned the burn. Blisters the next day aside - Tan lines were an art.

Our tan lines were not sprayed on - rolled on or spread on. We didnt look a funny shade of orange from the chemicals that we rubbed on our skins. This was sun damage all the way!!!

Well - I am seeing what damage I have done today. You know Samantha (my hero) on Sex in the City had a face peel done. It didnt look to great once she did it. But eventually - she has skin that I would love to have again. Baby butt skin. You know the kind.

I am really thinking about financing some beauty. The whole shebang. Now- I am not gonna get a face lift or those horrible lips (Courtney Love, darling, stay away from the bee stung lips. They don't suit you). I am talking scrape the face - suck out that extra chin. Lift those child riddled boobies. And suck enough fat out of the front and give me a JLO ass. I know I have enough. Dont tell me it cant be done.

I too - will have baby butt skin. Expense, who cares. I will be young.

But - does this mean that I will have to become my Gramma at the beach? Long sleeve everything and a big hat?

I guess it all has a price.

Whats your real name?

Jacmariesmom. That's me. Lost my real name 8 years ago.

How did I get that name? Well, it speaks for itself and its a name I do wear proudly. It comes from the little girls at the brownie troop meeting. The ones that couldnt remember that I was "Ms. Something..." but they knew my daughter. So - my name came from the seven year old girls wailing "Jaaccmariees Mom"!

The reason for my name is gone for a couple of weeks. I know, I hear the envy from other Single Moms out there. But - she's been gone for 4 days. I miss her.

Don't get me wrong. We are a tough bunch of chicks to hang with. We bicker and fight about everything constantly. From the time we wake up until the time we go to bed. Sometimes, in between there we giggle, snuggle and kiss. I like the snuggle part best. But - its too few and far between. Mainly - it's war.

Why you ask? I know why - I would never admit it in a public forum. But I know why. And it kills me. Thinking about it in my head causes my eyes to swell with tears. But, its one of those things Moms must get over.

I will post daily if I can. My rants, my gushing over something sweet or just daily poop. Please feel free to add whatever you'd like. I'd welcome the company.