The look.

This is week 4 (I think) of my Atkins lifestyle.

Doing good. Goal was 20 - I think I have lost about 10 so far. During my period - even!!!

The neat thing about Atkins is that the fat seems to move or reposition or just mainly fade away.
Results are noticeable immediately.

HB seems to like me a little better and I am not getting "the look" as much anymore.

Any wife, girlfriend, significant other knows "the look". Heck, my Mom used to give me the look when I was a kid and went for seconds, then thirds.

"The look" occurs when you overindulge and you really shouldn't be.

You give "The look" to the really large folks at the buffet line.

Do you really need to go again! Type of thing.

I have a pair of jeans I tried on this morning. They at least buttoned when last month I couldn't get them over my ample hips and...Belly.

So...So far so good.

Gonna keep it up - HB promised he'd buy me a new outfit for the Elvis Costello concert in March.

Boy, it's sure gonna cost him!

I made a man cry.

I made a man cry today.

It's nice for a change to be in a meeting and not be the stupid broad that breaks into tears for once.

This young man disrespects me. I let him know it and let him know that I didn't like him.

It hurt his feelings.

Awwwww.

He wants to try again. Or he will have to leave because he doesn't want to work in an environment where someone doesn't like him.

I told him - its not necessary to like the people that you are working with. Just do your job.

He feels its necessary.

Sure hope I can find it in my heart to like him.....It would be a shame to see him go.

Not!!!

Say your sorry!

J rubbed me the wrong way. I really let her do her own thing. I give her plenty of room to hang herself.

Last night - she made me crazy.

She gets off of school at 3. I ask her to please call me let me know she's still alive and if during the day she's not going to be where I think she's supposed to be - she needs to give me a call.

I show up at 5:30, like I do every night. No J.

I call from the car. No J.

I go in and ask for her...No J.

Schools been out for 2 1/2 hours and no one has seen her or can help me with where she may be.

I look at my phone and I happen to have one of her schoolmates phone numbers from the day before as J forgot her phone at home.

I leave V a message - Where is J?

V calls me back as I am pacing trying to think of where she could possibly be and tells me J is in the gym watching a basketball game.

I walk back into the school and ask them where the gym is - they point me in the right direction and remind me to breathe.

I go to the gym. I still don't see J.

Finally my phone rings a few minutes later and it's J.

"Where are you?" she says.

"In the gym - where are you?"

"Your not in the gym I'm in the gym."

After a few seconds of this stuff - I spot her in a gaggle of girls.

She catches up with me and I start in....

"Why didnt you call me....I am furious."

"She's like...so what, my phone, why should I...."

I turn around and start beating her on the stairs. (I know bad move).

All I wanted was an I'm sorry. Not a screamfest. Not excuses.

Just an I'm sorry for worrying you.

It's 3:30 - She has called and told me she was alive. But - I still havent gotten an I'm sorry.

So to my Mom - this may be a little late.

I'm sorry.

High School Grads...Rejoice!!!

Another big reality night...The Apprentice hit the airwaves with a new spin (and a new look?)

First on the spin...

High school grads - Street Smart Team (SS)

VS

College Grads - Book Smart Team. (BS)

I got a great giggle when I heard the premise. I do not have a college diploma. I do pretty darn good for myself without one. I always dreaded looking at the board of a company I was previously employed at. A degree was needed for every job. Yes, even answering the phones! Apparently, they felt they got a "better" employee when they had a diploma attached to their hip.

I think better employees are made from being hungry. Gee, I need to feed my family. Need to pay the rent. I need a job.

Amazingly, I can put a sentence or two together annnnndddd I clean up well too.

Sometimes I worry if I ever lost my job and couldn't find another in my field...What would I do?

Then it hits me...Why worry...I will work anywhere, doing anything to make ends meet.
Many college grads feel that waiting tables or flipping burgers is beneath them.... that's what makes last nights episode so great.

Running a BK - flipping burgers, running cash registers and selling your product.

Many of the BS team had never run a register or walked into a BK. They didn't do fast food.

Needless to say the SS team kicked ass, took names and were delightful to watch.

The new look comes from the fact that usually...The contestants are beautiful. Model perfect.

Did anyone notice that these guys look like average folks? Another great touch I might add.

Biggest chuckle of the night...When the BS team was huddled in a room singing Kumbaya like they were back in their dorm rooms in college.

Biggest laugh - From a SS player....Hey, if I get beat tonight, I can say well he's a Harvard grad. If he gets beat tonight, he was beaten by some schmo from Tampa.

You look familiar...

Last night I went down to SoBe.

Went to a very nice place with some customers. I wouldn't generally go to this place on my own dime, but since the company was picking up the tab...I HAD TO (poor me, I know).

This place was packed to the gills on a cold and rainy night. The people waiting in line was tremendous at 10:00 pm. I really don't understand the draw. This place serves you tiny plates of food that you share amongst the dinner guest at $20 a plate. A bite from each one is all you get. So you leave with you stomach feeling empty, along with your wallet.

Well since I missed the premiere of American Idol. I got my own dose of reality TV while I was sitting at the bar waiting for my customers to show.

The manager of the bar was a very handsome fellow. All too familiar to me. He was very pleasant (but I guess that's his job). There was something about him that made me know him.

Like, was he was a friend from a long time ago? No.

Did I date him? Wishful thinking..But no.

Did I go to school with him? No.

I didn't dare ask him who he was because in SoBe it is considered poor taste. You run into celebrities all the time and supposedly being with the cool crowd, you never make a big deal.

But, being the nose that I am. It was killing me.

I was afraid to ask...Who are you? What are you famous for?

It might offend or bring unwanted attention to this man. Maybe he was fugitive? I didn't want to ask directly to find out. I could have then been held hostage and never heard from again.

So, I waited until he left the room.

I asked the all knowing, forever wise bartender.

"Who is he?"

She replied.... "He was on Big Brother."

Of course I think. I am a reality TV junkie. I watch these people every night. I know these people like they are family, coworkers. Their faces never leave my brain...But what the heck was his name???

So this morning I rush to work and plug in the Big Brother site. I look at all the seasons, one by one. This face will pop up sooner or later, I can feel it.

Well - I finally get to the group of people that I want. The reason I remember this man is because he was with a group that played hard. Played to win. A group that will be remembered for their conniving winner....Will.

This is man I saw last night.

I am angry

Seemingly I am angry every day. People and things have a way of rubbing me the wrong way lately. A short fuse and my mouth seems to be in overdrive.

Never liked to complain - but when it hits me in the wallet because I am.....Frugal. Watch out!

I went out to dinner on Friday with some friends for her birthday.

Someone.....We wont name names...Had a little too much to drinkypoo and we had to leave..Quickly.

Well during the dinner someone ....We wont name names..Ordered a bottle of Uzo for the table.

Opa!!!!

As I was leaving I paid the host our share of the bill and then gave the waiter enough money to cover the bottle.

Come to find out - the waiter pocketed the money and charged the host for the bottle. Since we weren't there....The host double paid. We looked like we walked out on the bill.

I now have to send more money as it was a gift and I did not and do not want the host/hostess to have to pay for it.

Opa my ass!

Name Changes

Union Planters is becoming Regions.

AT&T is now Cingular.

I hate name changes. Because even though they say that things will not change. They do.

They always do. Things never stay the same.

If they did Burdines would be Burdines not Macy/Burdines.

And Customer service would not be effected.

I have a phone with AT&T.

Due to my HB that phone is now minus an antenna. Long story short, when someone tells you to call and you don't, don't give them your phone to prove its not working. By the time they are done with the phone, it really won't be working.

So anywho...

I want to get a new phone. I am frugal and I don't want to buy a new phone. So - If I extend my plan with them (Now Cingular) I can get a great phone for ZERO!!! I love that sound....ZERO!!

So being the online shopper that I am - I'm trying. Really trying. I am trying really hard to order a phone and extend my plan. But apparently AT&T didn't talk to Cingular and give them all the news about my account that I have had....Forever...And I may lose my number.

Why do I have to lose my number? Why do I have to change anything about my account at all? Why must my billing change? Why? Why can't I just buy a new phone, upgrade my service, keep my phone number...Which I have had....Forever and just move on? Why must it be so bad that I have had to make phone calls? Spent more than an hour messing with this thing and wasting my time only to get aggravated.

I hate change. Some say change is good.

I say change is overrated and is more a pain than an upgrade.

We?

By we, you mean me of course?

Don't deny or play coy.

Why else would you buy bug bombs and say we need to bomb the house in the morning and with a kiss to the forehead tell me to make sure I read the directions?

How come we is me digging that hole that we were supposed to do?

Funny how we are taking down the tree alone.

Or we is washing the car.

We just walked by ourselves tonight.

Do you see a pattern?

I have learned now that everytime you say we, you mean me.

Is it politically correct then for you to say..We forgot to do this?

You mean me?!?

Don't you?

And...I stutter....

When I am angry.

Yesterday I had to drop off my car for an issue. I was only going to drop it off for that one and only issue - but heck they were giving me a free car for the day and said speak now. So I did.

I spoke with pure eloquence, as I do.

I sounded brilliant and like I knew my shit. I did that because car people always try to take advantage of women. I know it. Its the truth and if you know a good mechanic that is truthful - you have met an angel. Hold on tight and never let go.

So, I said my speech and advised them what was wrong with the car.

Later on that day.......(Insert hazy, cheesy laden music moment here)

They call me and tell me the car is ready.

So - I get in my HUGE truck that they loaned me and head over.

My specialist (the guy that took down my gripes) is no where to be found. That's ok. The car is ready and I will just go to reception. Two seconds later, my car is parked by the street ready for me to climb in and sing its praises (the HUGE truck was horrible).

I peruse the receipt on the way to the car. Its states there are some parts on backorder for a jammed ashtray. Yes, I know there is an ashtray. The car was designed by smokers. There is even a lighter!!!

I however do not use it as an ashtray that's what the outside world is made for. Open window and extinguish all lighted items.

Yes, I hear you...I am the one that starts the wildfires. I am the one that litters the highways and byways.

So what - at least my car doesn't smell...like an ashtray!!!

I use my ashtray for change. It comes in quite handy. Until it gets stuck. Which it is and was one of my gripes.

Well, in their efforts to unjam the ashtray / change holder, they scratched the plate where the gearshift is.

I noticed this immediately. In an instant my eyes were drawn to this scratch. I closed my door and stomped (really stomped - I was angry) I stood there with attitude so that they would know I was mad. Tapped my foot and my specialist finally appears.

"Hello - Did you get your car?"

"I got my car and you know that thing? The...thing...(this is were I start used hand signals)? The, the...you know?"

"The gearshift?"

"Yeah. Well its got stuff. Marks!"

"What type of marks?"

"Ummm, ya know." I have instant peanut butter mouth. Where is my eloquence? Where is my sales flair? Did anyone hear that? Its a toilet flushing sound? Haha, very funny!

I then pick up a pen as my mind is going a million miles an hour and my mouth can only handle two.

I sound like idiot!!!

The specialist looks at me, must think I have a drinking problem or knows I have now achieved total meltdown.

I have a lump in my throat the size of Africa and I know they are trying to take advantage.

He says lets go look.

Fine!

Stomp, stomp, stomp!!!

He sits in the car (which is now blocking the exit and two people are not very happy). Looks at the plate and points to my ....aarrggghhhh....scratch!!!

"This?" He sounds condescending. I hate him.

"Yes." I whimper. I am angry because I could have done that to fix it. But I didn't because I didn't want to....scratch it!! I love my car. As useless as it is.

"Hold on, I know that they needed to order some parts."

Well - he comes back and tells me that is one of the parts on order.

I jump in and pull out (much the relief of the fellow patrons behind me.)

The whole way I have one eye on the road and one eye on my scratch.

A lump in my throat and a stutter when I talk.

Yeah, I'm tough.

I think I am a drunk

Therefore I am.

This is day 5 of my Atkins lifestyle. I have been doing great. Now with more Atkins / Carb friendly products on the market. I am not stuck with the same ol' thing everyday. Actually if you go and look on their website, the 2 week induction menu includes many items that were not available in grocery stores a year ago. For example, stuff like - low carb milk didn't exist two years ago.

I like to drink. I like to drink all kinds of things. You, of course, know my love for the bean and I am also a Diet Coke fanatic. I also like Ice Tea.

This is a caffeine addiction.

I know I have one and I know I am supposed to limit my intake of caffeinated products. So I have a cuppa coffee in the morning, a Diet Coke with lunch and Sugar Free Tea with dinner. All whilst drinking my gallon of water a day.

HB thought at one point I might be diabetic due to my constant thirst. I think its just my addiction to caffeine and the fact that I get cotton mouth because I am a smoker.

I also like a cocktail.

I generally had a cocktail at night when I would go home. Just one. I drank a little more on the weekends when I went out to dinner or sitting on the back patio with HB while he has a cigar. I would make martinis or girlie drinks.

I have gotten past J making a chocolate cake and rubbing it on her lips trying to tempt me with a kiss. I actually walked into a Cold Stone Creamery last night and didn't ask for a sample or take a taste of the one that was ordered. I walk into Starbucks and only get a simple cup of coffee. Even when they made my favorite one for me as I waited in line, thinking I would be having it, I made them throw it down the drain. (Painful, I know)

But its Friday night and I want a cocktail. A glass of wine? A rum and diet coke? A vodka with that crappy ass sugar fee cranberry juice?

These are all carb friendly options available to me. But only when I get past my two weeks.

Supposedly - drinking causes you blood sugar to spike and leads to snacking.

I don't want a snack, I want a drink. I want a drink on my back porch sitting in the hottub.

I want a cocktail and I want it badly.

I haven't had any caffeine for a few hours and I am gonna get something as soon as I leave here maybe it will subside my shakes, my sweats and my tic.

I need a drink? Out of everything that I have taken from my life in the past 5 days. Drinking a stupid glass of wine is freaking me out?

Am I a drunk?

Therefore I am?

How Romantic.

Didn't tell you what I did for New Years.

Thought you might want to know.

Maybe this was the year HB was going to ante up a diamond or scream to the world his love for me (like the guy on the Mayors commercial).?

Nah. There was a game on. More important things to worry about.

His favorite team is one in which nightmares are made of. They used to be SEC champs every year. Like the Yankees no one could beat this team, until the Coach hightailed it for greener pastures.

Since then, suckola, crapola and boringola.

Every game they lose. They still don't have a Coach. Sorry, they did have a man with a clipboard coaching the last game. The drool hanging from the lower lip was a slight indication that they had to hand it to someone, anyone, just to look official.

They played a team that raped their buttholes like a good prisoner (prison= where the winning team gets their players) should.

I think the only score on the losing side was because they were screaming like girls trying to run away from the gang rape. Scoring only happened once.

The rest of the time the losing team just handed the ball to the winning team.

"Here you go, I just caught it for you. Maybe, if you would like I could make a touchdown for your team? Whaddya say ol' buddy, ol' pal?"

So that was pretty much how my night went.

HB screeching at the TV.

He and his friend (we will call Bob) were in a total competition on how many times the F word could be said. They threw Styrofoam bricks at the TV , scared the dog and then set things on fire during the commercials (said it made them feel better).

I drank a yucky champange cocktail and ate from a veggie platter (I should have eaten before I went).

How romantic.

McStupid

So today - I forgot to bring my lunch. Brought my breakfast and snack and water - but no lunchy.

I only had a few minutes so I drive into a major fast food establishment we will call...McStupids.

I ask for..."A double quarter pounder with cheese. No ketchup. No bun."

She repeats...."No bun?"

"That's correct no bun."

The intercom is quiet for a few minutes and then she comes back and give me a total.

"Thank you drive thru."

As I drive away - I grab for the straw in the bag. What's that smell? That's not just your plain ordinary burger. No....Its...Its... FRIES!!!

So - I quickly grab the burger container out of the bag and quickly close it. (No temptation)

So - I am really looking forward to eating the burger (minus the bun) but that's ok. That's the best part!!!

But sadly, I am disappointed.

There is no double anything. Only one slab of meat, cheese on the bottom (which makes it stick to the paper container) with...guess...That's right, ketchup!!! They also forgot the lettuce, the onion, the pickle!!!! Nothing!

My little jaunt to McStupids cost me $3.50 and a lot of aggravation.

I am bringing my lunch Wednesday.

Here we go.

First day of my Atkins two week torture.

I have put away the booze.

Thrown away the chocolate and will not be visiting Starbucks for any Triple Grande Almond Lattes for two weeks.

I am in low carb boot camp starting today.

I awoke early to eat some eggs and I have just had my snack. I have a chicken dish waiting for me in the fridge and 1 o'clock cannot come soon enough. I am making poop on a leaf tonight for dinner and I have sugar free jello stocking the shelves.

I know you wish you were me.

Yummy.

I will keep you posted on my progress as I know I am gonna have a few things to say about this.

Goal- 20 lbs.

To Go - 20 lbs.