Hes too big.

Some people say that they need another kid. They want one sooo badly - that they go to great lengths to get one.

Spend thousands of dollars and months of pain and medications to get that baby they need.

Or- they put their heart and hope out there for an adoption.

Me - I like animals. I want a dog. So I am looking.

Just for the record - if I could I would take them all. I love them so much that I would be the woman that has too many dogs. Too many animals and the animal cops would come and get me.

That is why I must put my obsession deep, deep into the pit of my stomach when I go look in the shelter.

I put my name into a rescue operation - they didn't contact me. They wanted nothing to do with me apparently - no call, no letters, nothing. Even a little note stating no thanks would have been fine.

Then I went the high end route. Looked at the dogs for a thousand dollars. They were cute - but still...Not interested.

Then the shelter down the street has opened - I go every few days. I leave in tears.

Now this shelter is better than any that I ever been to....

Glass rooms - very large - no cages. Nice and shiny and new. But - I just cant take them all home.

They are all big. Shepard mixes, Rott mixes and Lab mixes.

They are all pretty - they are all sweet and - lets say it again.....BIG!!!! I cannot handle a big dog. I have a two seater and there are two of us - so the doggy I get needs to be lap friendly.

So then I round the corner and I see the sweetest little puppy. A Bassett hound - pure! Two months old and you can fit him in the palm of two of your hands.

He was sooo cute - his ears too big. Big bark - little man.

But - this cutie is deceiving....

They look so cute - but the proper weight for a male Bassett......70 lbs. That's a big dog. Little dog-man in this big room will weigh the same as a 10 year old boy in less than a year.

Hes so cute - I need to remember - he's too big.

He's too big.

God - hes cute!!!!

Too big...too big!!!

She's breaking my heart...

I love my J.

She's got a good soul underneath that 14 year old tough exterior.

I even like the person that she is - she truly is a good person at times.

But she's breaking my heart.

Opportunity is one of those things that I feel is valuable. It's only available at times and as a grown-up I strongly recommend that she takes it.

Opportunity to her is something that will come around again - so she will take her chances.

As adults we know that opportunity doesn't come around again. Sometimes - people never see it. Never have it and hope and dream for it.

We say - only the rich get richer. But remember when we were told to invest in that 401k when we were starting out in business but pinched our pennies and denied the opportunity? We now are struggling with only a few years left to make up the loss that the opportunistic folks now have.

We say - education is everything. Remember when we had the opportunity to do our very best in school and we just got by? Now the opportunistic folk hold the keys to our futures.

Time slips away and opportunities fade.

For a girl who looks at me and states she will not be a failure like her mother....She really looks like me.

That breaks my heart.

I now know an opportunity when I see it.

If only I can teach her to see it.

BED

I went to BED with four strangers last night.

The BED was large and plush and tons of pillows for your head.

I have never been to bed with that many people at one time.

The Waltons have.

I explored one of the many places in South Beach that cater to the Tantric / Erotica group.

The place where the foods are supposed to make ya feel a little sexy and while your there - maybe you can make a friend or two (wink, wink)

The place is called....BED. I have heard about it. Had a friend who was a DJ there. You would pass right by it if you didn't know it was there. Only the velvet ropes let you know there is something inside.

Windows are covered with paper and it looks like an empty storefront. Who knew that when you entered - behind the gauzy sheets hanging from the ceiling...That a restaurant was actually inside?

Because the weather has been so wonderful - I have had many a visitor that have visited South Florida recently.

Because they are also customers - I have had the opportunity to go to some of the places I would never venture into myself. I am too frugal for the expensive fare and the long waits.

BED at least offered a few things that the other places that I have eaten didn't.

First was portions. I actually had to work at finishing off my meal.

Usually - they are so artsy fartsy that a bite is all you get. You leave hungry and poor. But not BED. I was stuffed.

Granted - they only have three things on the menu and three appetizer and two desserts - but the prices were semi reasonable and I think they probably got us more for the drinks than the actual meal.

Also - be prepared for a two hour meal. I questioned my BED-mates on why they warn you at the door. They all said..Slow cook. But - I soon realized it was an experience that they were selling you, along with the food. For two hours that bed is all yours. With the groovy lighting and mood music playing in the background - it was a pleasurable experience.

The only problem we had was - they serve your dinner on the huge plates and with so many people eating in bed - you have to be a little flexible to make room. One of my bedmates was very animated talking with her hands and flung a martini my way. The bed quickly absorbed all the vodka and I was sitting in a wet-spot for the remainder of the night. (Figures - haha)

I would go to BED again.

I liked BED.

I thought is was fun and a very cool experience.

I think I might invite a few more strangers to join me.

Does that make me easy?

They like it....

They really, really like it.

I am of course speaking about the newest addition to our company. The laid-back ones. The ones who didnt have a care in the world. The ones who let us do all the picking and choosing.

They like the house. No - they love the house. The love the 'hood - they love that the beach is right down the street.

They love that the bars are within walking distance.

They love it!

Thank God!

Also - I am thinking of becoming a landlord - or lady.

Since becoming involved in this process - I think that I might be able to own some land and rent it out and maybe make a bit of profit. I am looking into it and I think that it might be fun...

So I will keep you posted on if I can actually become the next Donald Trump!

7 year itch

As an Aquarius - I get bored easily. I lose my drive and vigor.

Its like that for everything in my life. I get very excited about a project - then I lose interest.

Now saying that - on the other hand - I really try not to quit. Once I commit myself to something - I will try really hard to stand by that thing.

I throw myself into what ever that something is....

From husbands - to work - to drinking and smokin'.

I figure - well, you made the decision - now your stuck with it.

I don't know if it stems from my childhood. When I was young my mother let me choose my very own wallpaper for my room. Being a little girl - I picked a flower theme. A huge field of daisies and other foliage lined my walls. These flowers were still on my walls when I left my house and when my parents sold the house - yep - the flowers were still there.

As a teen - I tried to cover the flowers with various posters and artwork - but they were still there - there was no masking or hiding my decision.

Now as an adult - I still try to mask the flowers - but these flowers have been replaced with other decisions.

So cutting thru all the flower talk - I get seven year itch.

Approximately every seven years - I need a change. I need something to excite me. Something to make me want to get up and greet the day with a huge grin.

This mainly occurs with my job. I thought about it last night and every job I have held has lasted about 7 years.

As many of you know - I have become very unhappy with my job. From my friends that have left and new employees that remain - I don't like it here anymore.

I looked in the classifieds yesterday and I was taken aback at how useless I am. I crow about the Apprentice and how the Street Smart teams kicks the arse of the Book Smarts team. But - with every ad I read - a degree of sometype is necessary if you want to work for someone.

I open them with excitement - I can do PR - I can sell. But - I cannot do it at that company without a degree or a severe pay cut.

So then I think of the things that would excite me - dreams of mine that would make me feel important and totally incorporate all the things I love to do. Problem is - I just don't know how to go about doing them. I have no experience in those things except being a consumer.

So - do you risk everything and fly by the wire and hope that you can make it? Or - do you just sit back and wish...


...While you are scratching.

94.9

My most favorite radio station vanished.

One day it was there - the next day it was gone.

No goodbyes - no farewells. The station on the dial doesn't exist. It has vanished.

As a teen there was a station 103.5 SHE. She's only rock and roll. It was a fantastic station. Gone to urban hip-hop now to something totally unlistenable.

Then there was ZETA. 94.9.

Sure - there is BIG106. But that music is beyond me and my age. Yes - it rock but its old rock.
You have to be in to mood for that station.

I want new stuff. I want to hear the new/ and only semi old bands and their new album - punk, rock, metal and alternative. They were all on 94.9.

Then on the news later that night - it was announced. No more rock for South Florida.

I don't get it. I don't understand as there is a market for it here. It was the only station of its kind.

There are 4 hip-hop stations (I know - they are all programmed on my stereo via my J).

There are a multitude of Spanish stations.

There is a God station and a classical station. Their is even a Haitian station. And a very popular country station. Easy listening? At least two. I just don't get it.

If I want to listen to Jane's Addiction, followed by some Green Day and a double shot of Puddle of Mudd followed by a little Pearl Jam - I am out of luck.

The TV station recommended everyone go out and get satellite radio. Why?

Why would I want to pay ten bucks a month to listen to the radio? It was something that was free. It was something that was always on around my house, in the car and we used to carry our 50 lb radios around in the 80's.

I wouldn't think that a recording artist would be very happy because their art isn't being shared with the public. How am I going to know about their band? How will I know what new music is out and ask.....Who is that?!? I certainly will not buy a CD from a band that I am not familiar with. So there goes my $15.00 plus I am sure that there are others just like me.

Don't the artist have a say - the record companies? Or is it all in the hands of the major station owners such as Clear Channel? What is that you say....It's not making you billions only millions? What, that's not good enough?

Plus - it pissed me off that you put Air America (usually an AM station) on for the day while you were disconnecting that final wire. I don't want to listen to Al Franken and his "Oy, Oy, Oy Show" ranting about the President of the United States at 8 o'clock in the morning. It's too early for that. I would even complain about Rush at that time of day.

Make me smile - make me laugh - tell me the traffic!!! Its too damn early to be political. Heck - Washington doesn't even start stirring until after 9.

I wish they would have said what happened. If there was a reason - what they plan on doing to fill that void.

But 94.9?

It's dead Jim.

Happy Valentines Day!!!

Hello Lovelies....

Today is a day of adoration and love. A day when someone who loves you / likes you / admires you / wants you....Will spend gobs of money on you and you will get presents and maybe dinner if your lucky!!!

For those that do not have a Valentine - I don't want you to feel bad and sulk and pout. I want you to grab your best friend and go buy some of those little heart candies for them at the Walgreens and go to dinner. Sit at the bar since all the couples have hogged all the seats and flirt with that really cute bartender. After a couple of Cosmo's - pledge your friendship to each other and give the bartender your number. He may call you when he gets off work. True - it's a booty call - but - who cares.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things I noticed this weekend while watching TV.

The Sopranos are always eating.

Sex and The City Girls are always drinking.

Strange Love - Brigette Nielsen is always smoking.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I also want to thank all the people who came to my party on Saturday nite. Although they don't read this insightful blog. I think a good time was had by all.

It was a little chilly - but everyone drank a little too much, ate lots of s'mores cooked on the fire and some made some new contacts.

The people that didn't show up - you presence was sorely missed. And we ate your s'more!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I love you all and have a wonderful day!!!

Too nice.

I am too nice.

Ok - stop laughing.

I really am. I am a sweetheart. A jewel - a pearl of a human being.

I mentioned before that we have a new employee and I was responsible for finding him a place to live. I think its cute - it's a 40's style bungalow a mile from the beach. Its been totally redone in the bathroom and kitchen and has a yard (for gardening - his passion) that can be lovely.

But guess when the stuff arrives? Guess.....Go ahead....Guess.

that's right - tomorrow.

What's tomorrow? Right - MY party!!!!

When does this guy arrive? He's sitting in South Carolina right now...I suggests he drive faster!!!

He's not planning on coming though. He is taking his time. His family visits and a little vaycay before he starts.

So why am I an angel and savior too all things - A saint....?

Because I have agreed to let the movers in. I have agreed to lock up behind them. I cannot believe I agreed.

Why....Because if it wasn't for bad luck. I would have no luck at all. I am feeling already the what if's arising in the pit of my stomach.

What if... They call me at a bad time?

What if...They mess up his stuff?

What if... They mess up the house?

What if - What if - What if....

He's so laid back. I trust your decision - find me a place to live.

Ok Mr. Laid back....I am not responsible for your stuff. I am not responsible for your new home.

I am not responsible if its broken, missing or damaged. I am not responsible if they only deliver half of it.

I am not responsible if they take a leak in the toilet and forget to flush. I am not responsible.

Mt stomachs starting to churn - I am really getting nervous now.

God - I think I am going to have to start drinking at lunch.

I am too nice.

I'm having a party!!!

Saturday nite - 8 o'clock and you are all invited!!!

As you know my birthday fell on a Super Bowl weekend and I was unable to plan anything last week - because all eyes would have been on the TV instead of the thing most important....ME!

I have invited a mix of family, friends and co-workers and a neighbor or two. I hope everyone comes - even for a hour...And that they bring ME a present!

I have worked diligently on my backyard. I will take credit because I paid for the work - therefore it's MINE!!!

I pray that the weather - though in the 50's today warms a little so that people will be more interested in ME as opposed to how cold they are.

I scrutinized the food offerings and have settled on a drink d'jour. I made sure my lights all worked, my torches were filled and my chiminea has a log of wood. I bought hanging lights that glow and no lights (yes - I am talking that huge floodlight by my back door) - besides those that are aflame are allowed.

I banned children - although I know its going to be ignored. "Sorry - we couldn't get a sitter and we really wanted to come...I am sure you understand." Whatever - Just watch them around the open flames - I am not responsible for anyone catching fire!

Yes - you may have to sit on the floor (there are pillows) - but it's cool at all the places on SoBe - just wear something comfy - I will make sure there is no doggy poop.

See you all there and don't forget ......

The presents!!!!

TMI

TMI stands for too much information.

I am a nose a heart. I love gossip. I love know who's doing who. Who did what. So on and so forth.

But being a nose has its drawbacks. Like Pandoras box, there are some things that should be kept personal or to yourself and a drawer never opened.

I really don't want to see that huge road rash burn you got from falling off your motorbike. I say I do. But when I see it - it's just gonna gross me out and everytime I look at you - I will now remember that icky thing you showed me two years ago.

I think I want to see pictures of the devastation in Thailand and Indonesia. I think - I should be educated in what those poor people when thru. But, I am sorry I opened the link because I cannot bear seeing the poor people who met their demise from the massive wave.

I start to think, I am an enabler.

If I look at these photos that means there is a market for it. God forbid something happens to me or a family member. The last thing I want to know is that someone sold the pictures to Ogrish or Rotten and someone is looking at them for...I guess it would be amusement?

There was a journalist - I believe it was Pearl. He was one of the first people to be beheaded and his family asked that the video not be released to the public. They went to court and won. I don't think you would be able to find it easily on the internet.

Princess Diana was killed in a car crash. For the amount of photog's surrounding her car - graphic detailed pics are almost non existent.

They are the lucky ones.

I watched the Berg video. I wanted to be angry at the monsters that beheaded him and jubilated in his massacre. I wanted to say.....See....They are monsters...We need to kill them...Kill them all!!!

I watched it and couldn't get the picture out of my head. I couldn't remove the sound from my brain. I write this and a vivid picture rewinds in my mind. I am sorry I watched it now.

Yesterday, I received an email from a friend. It had a video attachment and the intro told me nothing about what I was about to see. It said something about a bad police search and the guy probably did something really wrong.

So - I open it to a man who's sitting in a holding cell and apparently wasn't searched very well by the police officer who was about to interrogate him.

The police office left the room - the man pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head.

All real - all on video and distributed for all to see.

Yuck.

Then I wonder, I like the Enquirer. I like the gossip shows on every night. Am I just adding fuel to the flame. The one that says....Go ahead and follow those celebs everywhere. Wire their homes and fly over their weddings. I need to see that dress!!!

When passing by a wreck on the road - I am irritated by rubber neckers.

But - I am in fact a rubber necker of a different sort.

Somehow, when Brad Pitt separated from Jennifer A. I got a little giddy. Like, now maybe he might actually date....ME! Sounds funny when you say it - but if you think about it its actually sad.

But - I did the same thing when Sean Penn divorced Madonna. I know....Strange. I don't even like Sean now. Great actor - but his views make me want to shake him....Hard.

I cannot say that I won't be a nose. But - I am going to try to steer clear from those things harmful, hateful and mean.

Destruction and death are not something that I want to be able to look at and walk by covering my nose and shaking my head.

I want it to pull at my heart strings and make me feel like I want to do something about it.

Also, if you have a video that you want to share with someone - please at least give them a heads up on the content they are about to watch.

I would have deleted it.

35...Again.

Happy Birthday to me.

When the moon is in the second house and Jupiter aligns with Mars.....

Its the age of Aquarius....Age of Aquarius.................Aquarius!!!!!

Ok - I love that song and its totally in my head and I thought I would share with you what an old fart like me thinks of in a day.

My feet are swollen and I think its a fitting beginning to being...Middle aged.

I got a facial last week and after the woman put that huge 'kiss my ass' magnifying glass over my skin and tsk-tsked her way thru my analysis. I am now using face cream.

That along with my broken capallaries - WC Fields has nothing on my nose!!! Its a work in progress - I tell ya.

I have a new vein in my leg that seems to be running like Nile.

My grey hair seems to be fighting the recent dye job. And you all know that I am rapidly becoming Kojak.

Other than that - life is grand.

I am going to have a party on Saturday....To celebrate be getting one year closer to receiving AARP magazine. I have told everyone to wear black and write a eulogy. Told them to keep it funny though...I want to at least have a good time.

Of course I jest. I am a 13 year old boy stuck in a 30 something year old woman's body.

I laugh when someone farts and rate burps by sound and smell.

I giggle when I see nipple and rate my poop on a scale of 1 to 10.

I wanted to have grown up food at my party - you know the horse ovaries your supposed to have when your all grown up. But I am really leaning towards those little hotdogs wrapped in a biscuit.

I love MTV and VH1 - I am 'down' and 'slammin'. I want to be like Jessica Simpson when I grow up. I have a soft spot in my heart for doggies and Louis Vuitton too!

I don't know how to play any card game except Go Fish and I am ok with that. Poker? Don't even know her.

J is older than I am. When I twirl like a ballerina in the store to the Musak she runs and hides. I don't care what people think. At that very moment I am 5 again and I am a ballerina. A pretty one at that.

I will be forever young - even if I am in an old persons body. I can't wait til I am in the home and the whoopee cushion I have been saving - will finally find a use.

I will blame the guy in the wheelchair.

So send me your wishes and and hopes for me....

I am gonna see if I can rent a pony for the day.

WHA' THE .....BLEEP!!!!

I am a happy camper.

Reality TV is in full swing again and I was all ready last night in position for my fave new show...The Apprentice.

It keeps playing with its time schedule so I watched a little of the Happy Days reunion while awaiting Mr. Combover himself to appear on the screen.

Will and Grace ends....

Commercial....

Something funny starts to happen to the picture....

No signal.

Hmmmm? So I check around on the other channels. All gray static.

Well - I will park myself on the only one that seems to work (kinda) MTV.

Funny thing is its the Ashlee Simpson show. I think this was on the night before too?

I am finding it odd - that the only channel that seems to work for me is MTV and Ashlee.

Conspiracy...I am starting to believe it. I will tell you why.

MTV is following her around NYC because she was going to be on SNL. And the story line was how she came to lipsync that night and blow it on live TV.

I was forced to watch this for an entire hour - Well - it was that or a ...What do you call those things with lots of words? Oh yeah...A book! NOT!!!

So this is where I think that Joe Simpson - Ashlees manager and Father of her and Jessica and spin doctor may actually "know" the Big Guy upstairs (as he was a Youth Minister in his previous non-Hollywood life).

As soon as the show was over. 1 hour.

As soon as everyone in the local vicinity heard Ashlees excuse again. (Because it was on the night before too).

The cable cleared up. Weird - huh?

I flipped back quickly and ER was starting.

Coincidence?

No -

Conspiracy.

Heard ya'll missed me....

I figured I had nothing to say.

Scratch that...I have tons to say. I hate total quiet and I will make some noise if needed.

I just didn't have anything profound to say as I usually do.

I have missed you all too. I would stare at the screen - type something - then erase.

So - I will tell you about my new venture.....

We have a new man starting at the company in two weeks. I know him in the sitting in a bar next to you sense, I like him and I think it will be cool to have him around.

Anything is better than the cockroach - whom I hate!

He wants me to pick a place for him and his wife to live. Site unseen. Do you know how scary that is!?!

They have some requirements and limitations.

They have two large dogs. They want a yard and a house to rent for a certain amount of money.

He states hes not picky. I don't know his wife so I am trying to put myself in her shoes.

So here I am - pretend wife of a good ol boy.

I hope I do a good job so I don't have to hog-tie my own ass. (A little redneck humor).

I ventured out with list in hand and had 10 properties to see - that filled all the requirements.

I really am not enamored with any of them. For the limitations that I have - they will have to do.

So - I felt like a Private Investigator. Driving around the homestead (hood in Urban speak) and writing notes.

Big letters N-O! Were scrawled all over my sheets. How could I rent these places to a fellow female even though I know they aren't...Picky.

I will talk to them today and try to get a feel for what they are like.

Maybe they like certain things that I don't? Maybe people sitting out on their front porch drinking a beer from the Styrofoam cooler sitting next to them is the way they party?

I will keep you posted on the saga...

You know if they move her and she hates it - he will still have to sit next to me day after day.

HB is hot!

Regretfully, I cannot explain his hotness because my family reads this board.

I don't want to gross anyone out. Especially my brother. I am glad he had kids but I would much rather think that Sassy Pants and Merry took part in a conehead ritual where they stayed fully clothed during conception.

I first started the blog thinking I could rant and rave about things. But low and behold as in my youth - they found out about .....Everything.

So I shall spare you the details.

But, one thing I can say about his hotness is that when I look at him - I am suddenly drawn to the man slob that he is.

Even when he's got on a white undershirt and ragged shorts and black socks. I look at him as he scoots across the floor with a bag of pig skins in hand and swoon.

When he's napping and his belly peeks thru that same outfit - I lose it.

When he's changing and his underwear have a huge hole in the butt as if he did it for convenience purposes - I can no longer contain myself.

I must have him and all his sloppy dorkiness.

My Father used to (probably still does) wear some real doozy outfits around the house. Heck, he would even wear them outside, to the market, to the mall.

My Mom still wanted to ravage him as his belly hair caught all the crumbs of his recent feast.

I used to wrinkle my nose at them...

Now with my own hot man slob....I totally get it!